"After awhile, you'll learn the subtle difference
between holding a hand and chaining a soul.
You'll learn that love doesn't mean learning
and company doesn't mean security.
You begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts
and presents aren't promises.
You learn to build all your roads today
'cause tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans.
After awhile, you'll learn that
even sunshine burns if you get too much.
So, plant your own garden and decorate your own soul,
instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.
You'll learn that you can endure,
that you are strong and you have worth..."
For some reason today, my little brain remembered that poem from back when I was sixteen and the "Chicken Soup for the Soul" books were new on the market. The above poem was in one of those books. It got me contemplating how I must have interpreted the poem then in comparison to how I interpret it now. I imagine at sixteen that I didn't really grasp what any of it meant; however I held the faith that age would bring understanding and wisdom for those words later. Perhaps the reason I did think of it today is because I am beginning to plant my own garden in my life. I have been so busy helping others water their gardens that I neglected my own. I no longer wish to live vicariously through others...I would like to live vicariously through me.
I find myself looking up at a wall of seeds and deciding which ones I would like to plant. The first seed I have chosen is courage, which will be needed for the new journey I am about to undertake. So often in the past, I let fear and laziness come in between me and my dreams. I should have known to weed those fears, but if I had not given in to them before I would not know to avoid them now. My daddy recently made a joke about how as a little girl I used to love to blow dandelions, not realizing I was doing nothing but spreading seeds for weeds all over the yard. I laughed and said, "Sounds like a metaphor for my life." Until now, that is. I always fancied the dandelion and thought it was unfair that the tiny golden flower was a weed. Funny how in life, the attractive weeds can sometimes disguise themselves to make us show sympathy when we most likely should not. I certainly have planted more weeds than flowers in my garden, but no better time than spring to do some pruning.
In late June, I will be plowing my way to a new city to start a new garden. There, I will plant the seeds for a new job, new friends, and a new life. I will also be sure to water and fertilize properly one of the greatest and most honest friendships I have ever known with my kindred spirit, who has been kind enough to offer her home to become mine as well. After living apart for almost 10 years, I am excited to finally be apart of her life as best friends are intended to be (instead of sharing joys and hurts from 500 miles away!) Ours is a friendship that is like ivy...you planted a tiny bit of it and every year since, it has multiplied and grown until it covers most of your garden. Her ivy has indeed covered most of my heart and I am thankful for that, especially recently when she has shown support in a way I didn't think possible from so far away.
I have never waited for anyone to bring me flowers, because I knew I was capable of growing my own. I just have not had enough faith in myself to actually do it. I am arming myself with a good set of gardening tools and new soil to do all those things I have been too afraid to try. It must be something in the spring air, but as the saying goes, "April showers bring May flowers." So, my flowers of courage will be blooming just in time for the "great escape" in June. I cannot wait to see how my garden grows!
Monday, April 26, 2010
Monday, April 19, 2010
Fortunate Friends
Aristotle once said, "Misfortune shows those who are not really friends." The part he didn't elaborate on is what misfortune does to those who are friends. There are many events that occur that can strenthen a friendship, but none so much as when we need help shouldering secret burdens. No one is without a few skeletons in their closet and it is only our nearest and dearest who are aware of what's inside our box of secrets. From this, trust is earned and becomes the foundation for lasting friendships, or what I like to call our fortunate friends. Fortunate friends are the friends we are lucky to have found...the ones that seems were hand picked by fate to be apart of our lives. It is through misfortune that we find out just how lucky we are.
These fortunate friends help us keep our sanity when the world seems to crumble around us. When we find ourselves at a dead end, they hand us a map, pointing out the alternative routes. When the last thing we want to do is smile, they crack a joke that they know will get a grin regardless. When everything seems hopeless, a fortunate friend finds that silver lining you were unable to see. They don't say, "It's going to be alright," when you both know it isn't; instead they say, "We'll get through this no matter what." While you begin to curse the darkness, they light a candle. No matter the dilemma that comes your way, with fortunate friends, there is no obstacle that cannot be overcome.
Then, when it's your turn to play the part, you must remember the requirements to being considered a fortunate friend. If there is judgement to be passed, it will not come from you. If there are words you are unsure are the right thing to say, silence is best. Sometimes you only need to lend your ears and a warm embrace of support. Place yourself in their shoes as you have been before to be able to show the right amount of compassion and understanding that is necessary. The main goal is to make sure your friend knows that they are not alone in their tragedy, but do so without smothering them.
Often when fortunate friends come to face a problem together, there are thin lines to walk in order to gracefully help each other. We won't always say the right thing, or even know what to say sometimes. Regardless, our fortunate friends can see our effort and will appreciate the sentiment just the same. It's all a learning process and who better to learn these lessons with than those we hold closest to our hearts?
"True friendship multiplies the good in life and divides its evils. Strive to have friends, for life without friends is like life on a desert island...to find one real friend in a lifetime is good fortune; to keep him is a blessing."
- Baltasar Gracian, 17th Century Spanish Philosopher & Writer
These fortunate friends help us keep our sanity when the world seems to crumble around us. When we find ourselves at a dead end, they hand us a map, pointing out the alternative routes. When the last thing we want to do is smile, they crack a joke that they know will get a grin regardless. When everything seems hopeless, a fortunate friend finds that silver lining you were unable to see. They don't say, "It's going to be alright," when you both know it isn't; instead they say, "We'll get through this no matter what." While you begin to curse the darkness, they light a candle. No matter the dilemma that comes your way, with fortunate friends, there is no obstacle that cannot be overcome.
Then, when it's your turn to play the part, you must remember the requirements to being considered a fortunate friend. If there is judgement to be passed, it will not come from you. If there are words you are unsure are the right thing to say, silence is best. Sometimes you only need to lend your ears and a warm embrace of support. Place yourself in their shoes as you have been before to be able to show the right amount of compassion and understanding that is necessary. The main goal is to make sure your friend knows that they are not alone in their tragedy, but do so without smothering them.
Often when fortunate friends come to face a problem together, there are thin lines to walk in order to gracefully help each other. We won't always say the right thing, or even know what to say sometimes. Regardless, our fortunate friends can see our effort and will appreciate the sentiment just the same. It's all a learning process and who better to learn these lessons with than those we hold closest to our hearts?
"True friendship multiplies the good in life and divides its evils. Strive to have friends, for life without friends is like life on a desert island...to find one real friend in a lifetime is good fortune; to keep him is a blessing."
- Baltasar Gracian, 17th Century Spanish Philosopher & Writer
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Go the Distance
Centuries ago, men and women would be separated from each other for months upon months with love letters sent by post as the only means of communication. Yet, the bond between the couple remained and the romance kindled by their sweet nothings written on the pages. Fast forward to the 21st century, in general long distance relationships are frowned upon and greeted with a cynical attitude. It is believed impossible to maintain a romance from a distance despite our increase in communications technology. Even with the technology, couples still find themselves dealing with the issue of the lack of physical contact. Can these factors be overcome and happiness be found even if couples are separated?
If there is any time that a long distance romance would work, it is in today's world. Couples can talk and see each other every day with Internet tools such as Skype and ooVoo, which provide chat functions with live video feed. You can have coffee and read the newspaper with each other as if you would if you were in the same place. Emails are the new age love letters which can be received within seconds. We even have the option for our emails to come in directly to our mobile phones that we can carry anywhere with us. This means your significant other can contact you at any given moment regardless of how many miles are between you. Imagine how convenient this would have been in the 18th century instead of waiting weeks on end for a single letter from your companion. However, a love letter sent by mail should not be forgotten either. The thought and care put into a handwritten letter should certainly help keep the romance alive in a far away romance.
The only thing that cannot be transferred through phone lines or web cams is human touch. This is perhaps what ends up driving the couples apart, not being able to have physical contact or show tangible affection. If the couple is apart for months, should they expect the other to be faithful when our human nature lies in following our physical desires? The boundaries must be set from the start to avoid miscommunication down the road. At the end of the day, physical action is nothing compared to the mental and emotional connections between the man and woman. Honesty, good communication, and laughter are just a few things that make a lasting romance, not what happens in the bedroom. If both cannot agree on the terms set, it is most likely best to cut their losses and move on. Only turmoil and hurt will follow if both partners do not agree on whether theirs will be an open or closed relationship. There is no set way to go about that. It can only be decided by those partners as to what works for them.
For a long distance relationship to truly be successful, at one point someone has to make the big gesture. The big gesture is usually the decision to close the gap and live in the same place. After all, what is the point if there wasn't some potential or possibility of taking it to that level of commitment? Why would a couple put themselves through the trials of long distance romance if not for the reality of their own happy ending one day? It's that little voice inside that said, "Don't let this one get away." Why not see where this road leads? The cynics will say it is a waste of time to chase the dream of love over states, countries, and continents. I say, listen to your heart and just live your life doing what makes you happy. If it makes you smile, then embrace it. If it starts to grow, then let it. Take one day at a time and have fun. Most importantly, don't be afraid to fall in love because life has handed you some obstacles. It will make it all the more worth it when you can look at those cynics and say, "Told you so."
"I don't want to live -- I want to love first and live incidentally..." -Zelda Fitzgerald, from one of her love letters to husband & author F.Scott Fitzgerald
If there is any time that a long distance romance would work, it is in today's world. Couples can talk and see each other every day with Internet tools such as Skype and ooVoo, which provide chat functions with live video feed. You can have coffee and read the newspaper with each other as if you would if you were in the same place. Emails are the new age love letters which can be received within seconds. We even have the option for our emails to come in directly to our mobile phones that we can carry anywhere with us. This means your significant other can contact you at any given moment regardless of how many miles are between you. Imagine how convenient this would have been in the 18th century instead of waiting weeks on end for a single letter from your companion. However, a love letter sent by mail should not be forgotten either. The thought and care put into a handwritten letter should certainly help keep the romance alive in a far away romance.
The only thing that cannot be transferred through phone lines or web cams is human touch. This is perhaps what ends up driving the couples apart, not being able to have physical contact or show tangible affection. If the couple is apart for months, should they expect the other to be faithful when our human nature lies in following our physical desires? The boundaries must be set from the start to avoid miscommunication down the road. At the end of the day, physical action is nothing compared to the mental and emotional connections between the man and woman. Honesty, good communication, and laughter are just a few things that make a lasting romance, not what happens in the bedroom. If both cannot agree on the terms set, it is most likely best to cut their losses and move on. Only turmoil and hurt will follow if both partners do not agree on whether theirs will be an open or closed relationship. There is no set way to go about that. It can only be decided by those partners as to what works for them.
For a long distance relationship to truly be successful, at one point someone has to make the big gesture. The big gesture is usually the decision to close the gap and live in the same place. After all, what is the point if there wasn't some potential or possibility of taking it to that level of commitment? Why would a couple put themselves through the trials of long distance romance if not for the reality of their own happy ending one day? It's that little voice inside that said, "Don't let this one get away." Why not see where this road leads? The cynics will say it is a waste of time to chase the dream of love over states, countries, and continents. I say, listen to your heart and just live your life doing what makes you happy. If it makes you smile, then embrace it. If it starts to grow, then let it. Take one day at a time and have fun. Most importantly, don't be afraid to fall in love because life has handed you some obstacles. It will make it all the more worth it when you can look at those cynics and say, "Told you so."
"I don't want to live -- I want to love first and live incidentally..." -Zelda Fitzgerald, from one of her love letters to husband & author F.Scott Fitzgerald
Thursday, April 1, 2010
a spectacle, you say? nah ;)
• S: (n) serendipity - good luck in making unexpected and fortunate discoveries
I believe that 90% of the time when fate decides to throw something great our way, we tend to go with the whole "if it's too good to be true..." mentality. So, I have a huge respect for that other 10% when people take a chance and realize that nothing worthwhile is ever gained without risk. The same people who claim these risk takers are crazy are the same people who miss out on their own serendipity. If you ignore fate long enough, she might stop coming around. Be bold in those choices in your heart that may seem irrational but just feel right. As I've said before, our heads don't know how to feel which is why we were given hearts. Logic must sometimes be tossed aside to follow that little voice that says, "This one." Choose your love and love your choice. Listen not to the naysayers because in the end, it only matters what you think and know. They say timing is everything, so make the most of those timely discoveries that are willing to show you a whole new world...maybe even a world that could hold your ever after. As Jill A. Davis said, "Happy endings aren't for cowards." Be brave and never compromise when it comes to your heart's desire.
*Dedicated to Mr. & Mrs. Matthew Sayer - March 26, 2010
I believe that 90% of the time when fate decides to throw something great our way, we tend to go with the whole "if it's too good to be true..." mentality. So, I have a huge respect for that other 10% when people take a chance and realize that nothing worthwhile is ever gained without risk. The same people who claim these risk takers are crazy are the same people who miss out on their own serendipity. If you ignore fate long enough, she might stop coming around. Be bold in those choices in your heart that may seem irrational but just feel right. As I've said before, our heads don't know how to feel which is why we were given hearts. Logic must sometimes be tossed aside to follow that little voice that says, "This one." Choose your love and love your choice. Listen not to the naysayers because in the end, it only matters what you think and know. They say timing is everything, so make the most of those timely discoveries that are willing to show you a whole new world...maybe even a world that could hold your ever after. As Jill A. Davis said, "Happy endings aren't for cowards." Be brave and never compromise when it comes to your heart's desire.
*Dedicated to Mr. & Mrs. Matthew Sayer - March 26, 2010
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