E.E. Cummings said, "It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are." I admire those who have stepped into their adult shoes with ease. It has taken me a bit longer than most, but I'm getting there. I'm realizing the difference between having goals and chasing foolish ventures. It is a weakness of mine to always be looking for the next best thing. It has caused me to overlook some great things and people in the past. Perhaps I have even overlooked some great things inside of me that I thought needed to be different. Being comfortable in our own skin is a sign of maturity and growth. I let my growth get a bit stunted instead of accepting the person that has been changing. Instead of embracing my independence, I have been hiding from it for a long time.
I'm tired of hiding out. I don't want to miss out on the good stuff because I think there's something better. Last month, I returned to a place that has always felt the most like home to me and could not be happier. I feel as if I had to leave in order to come back and see how much I truly missed it and the people I care about most. Coming back took more courage than I realized because it made me finally accept myself as I am...not who I think I'm supposed to be. No one can tell me the life I'm supposed to be living. We make our own definitions of success for ourselves. I define success as doing something that makes you happy and being able to balance that with having fun with friends who accept you and support you regardless.
Now that I am getting more and more comfortable in my skin, I am finding that my personal relationships are becoming easier to define and maintain. My professional life can be a three ring circus, so I need my personal life to be effortless. I have learned that open communication and being honest about what I want is getting me what I want. I am lucky to have people in my life that appreciate this honesty. I used to be okay with gray areas and since I've boycotted those, I find I am much happier and less stressed. Obviously from time to time, our personal relationships will have a few hurdles to climb but the good ones should make our lives easier and help us to continue growing. I doubt I'll ever fully "grow up" but I can finally say I know who I am. I'm no longer afraid of who that is. I'm actually kind of proud of her.
-ldw
