In 2012, I saw Warren Haynes with Gov't Mule live in concert for the first time. My favorite song lyric from his music is, "Open your heart when all else fails" which is a mantra I repeat to myself constantly. I tend to be very timid when it comes to matters of the heart. I fear the "what if" factor. What if I choose this path, only to find that another was a better deal? I spend more time second guessing my choices than enjoying them to begin with. I believe it may be time to put those indecisive notions to rest. It is time to stop ending things before they start.
While I wouldn't say my personal choices have always ended in failure, I don't have the kind of success stories I would prefer at this point in life. I have been my own worst enemy of sorts. I talk myself out of what could otherwise have been a good future. But, I am putting my foot down now! I will open my heart even if it scares me because it is new territory. I will hold my head up high, try to keep my chin from a fearful quiver, and smile my way through the scary parts. I will be open no matter what.
Even if things don't work out the way I want them to, I will not let that deter me from my new mantra. I am determined that when I find myself at a loss after taking many different turns which produce the same predictable results, I will still continue to open my heart. I will tell myself that at least I tried and that is better than the "what if" I hadn't taken a chance at all. This won't just apply to romantic relationships either. I can be pretty closed off in friendship too. So, it is important to apply the "open heart" policy to all personal relationships.
As the song goes on to say, "Hindsight is very clear when loneliness is falling..." It's in those quiet moments of retrospect that I start to rework past situations that could have been different if I'd only been more open. If I had learned to soften instead of harden in relationships, I might find myself in a different place. Perhaps I'd be writing frilly, mushy fairy tale blogs. Well, probably not. But I might be able to have as many success stories as failing ones. I've seen how things turn out by being closed off, so now is as good a time as any to see what outcome being open brings.
-ldw
Friday, July 5, 2013
Friday, June 28, 2013
Shiny New Toy
When I was a little girl, I had a bit of a Barbie doll obsession. Being a Daddy's girl, I would get a new doll every couple weeks. This coincided with the time it took for me to get bored with the newest addition. Now, that first week or so the new Barbie on the block got all my attention. She got to wear the cutest outfits, drive the best car, and move into the Barbie Dream House. She was the girl who got the happy ending with Ken while all the other Barbie dolls that came before her watched from the sidelines. The sideline Barbie dolls had one advantage over her though because they knew what was in store. The inevitable toss aside was soon to follow after the Shiny New Toy syndrome wore off.
As we grow up to become adults, we stop playing with dolls. Our new toys are boys. However, not much of the game has changed. We meet a new guy. We're excited and want to focus all of our attention on him. It is often more attention than the object of our new affection even deserves. Then, after a couple weeks of the flirting, text messaging, & a few inside jokes, the Shiny New Boy starts to look like every other male. He begins to lose his shine and his initial appeal. Then, we start to recall the embarrassing moments that we actually wasted stressing over said boy. We endure the slight teasing from our girl friends who had to listen to our over analyzing of his every move for the past couple weeks. Then, we shake it off and go in search of a new boy to play with. Thus, we enter a cycle that keeps replaying itself.
So, the question is how do we even get ourselves into this Shiny New Toy situation? And furthermore, how do we one day stop repeating the pattern? It is our desire to be desired and seen as a unique & awesome individual. After awhile, even your closest friends know most of your stories and your quirks It's nice to meet someone that sees you as a blank canvas. It's exciting to share yourself for the first time and in most cases be the Shiny New Toy for someone else. The butterflies. The stolen glances. The first kiss. The giddiness that reminds you of being a teenager again. All the beginning sparks are what perhaps makes Shiny New Toy syndrome a hard pattern for us to break. It's all the fun stuff without any commitment.
Hopefully, the pattern ends when we find someone who doesn't lose their shine. I hope a boy comes along that feels new all the time. I'm looking for the one that keeps the butterflies fluttering and every kiss has the same excitement as the first one. After all, Barbie can't be the only gal to get her happy ending.
-ldw
As we grow up to become adults, we stop playing with dolls. Our new toys are boys. However, not much of the game has changed. We meet a new guy. We're excited and want to focus all of our attention on him. It is often more attention than the object of our new affection even deserves. Then, after a couple weeks of the flirting, text messaging, & a few inside jokes, the Shiny New Boy starts to look like every other male. He begins to lose his shine and his initial appeal. Then, we start to recall the embarrassing moments that we actually wasted stressing over said boy. We endure the slight teasing from our girl friends who had to listen to our over analyzing of his every move for the past couple weeks. Then, we shake it off and go in search of a new boy to play with. Thus, we enter a cycle that keeps replaying itself.
So, the question is how do we even get ourselves into this Shiny New Toy situation? And furthermore, how do we one day stop repeating the pattern? It is our desire to be desired and seen as a unique & awesome individual. After awhile, even your closest friends know most of your stories and your quirks It's nice to meet someone that sees you as a blank canvas. It's exciting to share yourself for the first time and in most cases be the Shiny New Toy for someone else. The butterflies. The stolen glances. The first kiss. The giddiness that reminds you of being a teenager again. All the beginning sparks are what perhaps makes Shiny New Toy syndrome a hard pattern for us to break. It's all the fun stuff without any commitment.
Hopefully, the pattern ends when we find someone who doesn't lose their shine. I hope a boy comes along that feels new all the time. I'm looking for the one that keeps the butterflies fluttering and every kiss has the same excitement as the first one. After all, Barbie can't be the only gal to get her happy ending.
-ldw
Wednesday, May 29, 2013
A Swing & A Kiss
In the game of love, do you know who's on your team? Is there a relief kisser you've been keeping in the bullpen just in case? Or a pinch hitter who steps up to the plate when you need him? In baseball, there is always a batter on deck. Is it the same in life? I'm sure there are times when we keep striking out and wonder if we'll ever get out of the dating slump. However, maybe we are concentrating too much on finding a star player who hits home runs when the "short stop" along the way could hit a double that wins the game. But is it always about winning?
Remember that quote, "It's not whether you win or lose, it's how you play the game?" The more you play, the more you learn. Life, like baseball, isn't always going to give you a win. But, how will we ever learn anything about ourselves if we always get what we want and win? There will be some losses in your future no doubt about it. but what's important is how we bounce back from them. You're going to strike out. Unfortunately, not every person that we find attractive will share our attraction. You'll find yourself staring out at the mound ready for anything. You're thinking you can handle a fast one, a curve ball, or hell even a screwball. Then, he gives you his best sinker and before you know it, you're out. Every once in awhile, you're going to hit a foul ball. It's that relationship we thought was going to stay "in play," but goes out at the last second. Sometimes you just can't control where the ball goes, or the guy for that matter. You think you've checked your blind spot when he steals second base and moves on the next girl. It's inevitable that you get hit by a pitch or two at some point during your love career. Hopefully you will be lucky enough to avoid any physical violence, but there will be moments that sock you right in the gut and break your heart. But pain only shows you that you did actually care. You should be thankful because there are a lot of people who have no idea what it's like to love someone. They're riding the bench and one day, they will regret not stepping up to bat.
In the game of love, there are a million different ways that game could go. Sometimes it's in your favor and other times, love gets rained out. Regardless of how many times you strike out though, you have to keep the hope alive for that one perfect pitch. The bat connects with the ball like chemistry between two lovers, sometimes it flies out of the park, and your heart goes wild. But if for some reason you get tagged out, dust yourself off and head back to the dugout. Get ready for the next great pitch that comes your way because that could be the one that lands you in the Hall of Fame. So, batter up, baby! Let's play ball.
-ldw
[An oldie but a goodie from way back on March 4, 2007]
Remember that quote, "It's not whether you win or lose, it's how you play the game?" The more you play, the more you learn. Life, like baseball, isn't always going to give you a win. But, how will we ever learn anything about ourselves if we always get what we want and win? There will be some losses in your future no doubt about it. but what's important is how we bounce back from them. You're going to strike out. Unfortunately, not every person that we find attractive will share our attraction. You'll find yourself staring out at the mound ready for anything. You're thinking you can handle a fast one, a curve ball, or hell even a screwball. Then, he gives you his best sinker and before you know it, you're out. Every once in awhile, you're going to hit a foul ball. It's that relationship we thought was going to stay "in play," but goes out at the last second. Sometimes you just can't control where the ball goes, or the guy for that matter. You think you've checked your blind spot when he steals second base and moves on the next girl. It's inevitable that you get hit by a pitch or two at some point during your love career. Hopefully you will be lucky enough to avoid any physical violence, but there will be moments that sock you right in the gut and break your heart. But pain only shows you that you did actually care. You should be thankful because there are a lot of people who have no idea what it's like to love someone. They're riding the bench and one day, they will regret not stepping up to bat.
In the game of love, there are a million different ways that game could go. Sometimes it's in your favor and other times, love gets rained out. Regardless of how many times you strike out though, you have to keep the hope alive for that one perfect pitch. The bat connects with the ball like chemistry between two lovers, sometimes it flies out of the park, and your heart goes wild. But if for some reason you get tagged out, dust yourself off and head back to the dugout. Get ready for the next great pitch that comes your way because that could be the one that lands you in the Hall of Fame. So, batter up, baby! Let's play ball.
-ldw
[An oldie but a goodie from way back on March 4, 2007]
Sunday, March 31, 2013
Happy magnets
There are laws to attraction but do we even follow the rules when it's someone we can't resist? The basic principle is that "like attracts like" and by focusing our thoughts on what, or in this case who, we want, we can achieve the desired result. Well, when it comes to romance, it seems we have to throw science out the window. How many times have we all longed for someone who consumed our thoughts only to end up without the happy ending? Unfortunately with matters of the heart, positive thinking does not always bring a positive outcome. That doesn't stop the hopeful romantics from their daydreaming but perhaps a bit of reality could be useful.
Here's the thing: we generally believe that we are attracted to someone because of who they are. And that's true. However, I think what's more important is that we are attracted to those who like and support who we are. This could be the reason that we end up with more lost causes than wins. Simply being attracted to someone for who they are doesn't provide enough foundation to start building something bigger. It has to be a two way street. If you aren't choosing someone who appreciates you in the same way, no amount of positive affirmations is going to draw that person to you. This is why the concept of opposites attract tends to work out better for most relationships. Those couples are accepting of who the other person is, even if it's a complete 180 from their own persona.
At the end of the day, we are all just looking for someone who gets us. We want a partner who knows all our idiosyncrasies and loves us anyway. We want someone we can show our true selves to without any hestitation or fear of rejection. We want a companion who sees the good and the bad and accepts both equally. We want someone who understands we are a package deal and that even at our worst, we're worth it. Once we find that person, we get to make our own rules. If you're lucky, you'll find someone who is happy to throw out the rule book completely and just go with it. If you find your someone, it'll be just that simple. No rules. Just a couple of happy magnets, stuck together forever.
-ldw
*Thank you Jessica Archer...you were my muse today xoxo
Here's the thing: we generally believe that we are attracted to someone because of who they are. And that's true. However, I think what's more important is that we are attracted to those who like and support who we are. This could be the reason that we end up with more lost causes than wins. Simply being attracted to someone for who they are doesn't provide enough foundation to start building something bigger. It has to be a two way street. If you aren't choosing someone who appreciates you in the same way, no amount of positive affirmations is going to draw that person to you. This is why the concept of opposites attract tends to work out better for most relationships. Those couples are accepting of who the other person is, even if it's a complete 180 from their own persona.
At the end of the day, we are all just looking for someone who gets us. We want a partner who knows all our idiosyncrasies and loves us anyway. We want someone we can show our true selves to without any hestitation or fear of rejection. We want a companion who sees the good and the bad and accepts both equally. We want someone who understands we are a package deal and that even at our worst, we're worth it. Once we find that person, we get to make our own rules. If you're lucky, you'll find someone who is happy to throw out the rule book completely and just go with it. If you find your someone, it'll be just that simple. No rules. Just a couple of happy magnets, stuck together forever.
-ldw
*Thank you Jessica Archer...you were my muse today xoxo
Sunday, March 10, 2013
Birfday shmirfday
Well, where did you come from 30? It seems like only yesterday I was a 20-something trying to figure out what to do with my life. Funny thing is I'm pretty sure I'm still wondering that same thing. The only difference is that I'm content without knowing the answer. In a few days I will be transitioning over from my 20s and entering the world of my 30s. Apparently according to most female magazines and books, this is supposed to be a disaster. I am actually excited about it & do not have a single drop of pessimism about it. Looking back, I can honestly say I do not regret anything up to this point. I have lived a life I can be proud of and have learned lessons that have made me someone I am proud to be. I feel more comfortable and alive in my own skin than I ever have. I have learned to be content which in my case is a huge accomplishment. It doesn't do well to constantly be curious if there's something more out there. It seems to work better once you realize that maybe where you are is exactly where you're supposed to be. I am extremely lucky & grateful to have a life I can be happy with currently.
A former boss of mine had a theory that by the time you're 34 is when life falls into place. She told me the other day that 30 was her favorite year because that's when she figured out where she wanted her life to go. I love that inspiration. I like feeling more knowledgeable than clueless in all of life's areas yet knowing there are still many lessons to be learned. I feel better prepared for situations with friends, work, etc. I find myself being more open which has always been a goal for me. I used to be very closed off & would shy away from things that weren't in my comfort zone. Thankfully, I have chosen very good friends who are supportive and encouraging to stepping outside of that.
Recently, I have started to open up my own little world with new experiences. And new acceptances that my pride used to hinder me from doing. A year ago, I couldn't say that I know how to shoot a gun. A year ago, I couldn't say that I know how to forgive without resent. A year ago, I couldn't say I choose (more often than not) to act responsibly instead of impulsively. A year ago, I was writing angry blogs about boys. A year ago, I was contemplating my next move for the gypsy soul. It's nice to be able to see that I'm growing and learning that "Don't sweat the small stuff" wasn't just some cliche phrase. Because I don't sweat the small stuff anymore. I have somehow figured out how to take the ups and downs of life as they are. To be frank, shit happens. That's never going to change. You have the choice to let it rule your life or to go with it. Life has an ebb and flow that isn't always great. However, I have finally realized that you just need patience sometimes to let the good come back around. Anytime I am in doubt of that, I have plenty of friends to remind me how good life is. These days I'm keeping it simple. And for a girl who used to think simple was boring, I'll be the first to say it's the best idea I've come up with in 30 years. Here's to my next 30 years...can't wait to see where this adventure goes!
-ldw
A former boss of mine had a theory that by the time you're 34 is when life falls into place. She told me the other day that 30 was her favorite year because that's when she figured out where she wanted her life to go. I love that inspiration. I like feeling more knowledgeable than clueless in all of life's areas yet knowing there are still many lessons to be learned. I feel better prepared for situations with friends, work, etc. I find myself being more open which has always been a goal for me. I used to be very closed off & would shy away from things that weren't in my comfort zone. Thankfully, I have chosen very good friends who are supportive and encouraging to stepping outside of that.
Recently, I have started to open up my own little world with new experiences. And new acceptances that my pride used to hinder me from doing. A year ago, I couldn't say that I know how to shoot a gun. A year ago, I couldn't say that I know how to forgive without resent. A year ago, I couldn't say I choose (more often than not) to act responsibly instead of impulsively. A year ago, I was writing angry blogs about boys. A year ago, I was contemplating my next move for the gypsy soul. It's nice to be able to see that I'm growing and learning that "Don't sweat the small stuff" wasn't just some cliche phrase. Because I don't sweat the small stuff anymore. I have somehow figured out how to take the ups and downs of life as they are. To be frank, shit happens. That's never going to change. You have the choice to let it rule your life or to go with it. Life has an ebb and flow that isn't always great. However, I have finally realized that you just need patience sometimes to let the good come back around. Anytime I am in doubt of that, I have plenty of friends to remind me how good life is. These days I'm keeping it simple. And for a girl who used to think simple was boring, I'll be the first to say it's the best idea I've come up with in 30 years. Here's to my next 30 years...can't wait to see where this adventure goes!
-ldw
Wednesday, February 6, 2013
Settling [kind of]
I've always been the girl who was looking for something more. I could never just look at what was present and be content with it. I thought being content meant giving up the idea that there could be something great on the horizon. I believed that the majority of the world was giving up on their potential by settling. As I approach the ripe old age of 30 next month, I am starting to realize I may have been wrong.
Recently, I have found myself content with my life in this small southern town and not being unhappy about that fact. In the past, my gypsy soul has taken me to many different places searching for happiness. Well, the fact of the matter is, I'm no Peter Pan. It's time to accept what is in the here and now. It's time to stop thinking I am missing out when there are plenty of great things already present in my life. The occasional downers that I used to think were reasons to leave are just simply the lows we all encounter in life. Leave it up to a gal who was spoiled as child to be so quick to think she needs to change her entire life just because things aren't sunshine & rainbows all the time. I thought being content meant being boring. I am 100% content (and currently happy) and not at all bored with how my life is at this moment. I've realized that when life looks a bit cloudy, you just need a little patience to wait for the sun to come back.
I'm sure that my talents could do great things in other places and could possibly be wasted here. However, if I chose to focus on that idea, I would obviously be sitting around wondering if there was something I was missing. And I hate the idea of being that person...the one who "what if's" her life away. I think it is more important to embrace where you are and appreciate who you surround yourself with. I have wasted a lot of time in my life being afraid of opening up to others and afraid of being happy. I'm done with those notions. I want to be happy and content and everything that comes with it. If I've learned anything, I know that there's no need to push life...everything falls into place when you least expect it. Because life knows that surprises are always more appreciated than when you were expecting it.
Recently, I have found myself content with my life in this small southern town and not being unhappy about that fact. In the past, my gypsy soul has taken me to many different places searching for happiness. Well, the fact of the matter is, I'm no Peter Pan. It's time to accept what is in the here and now. It's time to stop thinking I am missing out when there are plenty of great things already present in my life. The occasional downers that I used to think were reasons to leave are just simply the lows we all encounter in life. Leave it up to a gal who was spoiled as child to be so quick to think she needs to change her entire life just because things aren't sunshine & rainbows all the time. I thought being content meant being boring. I am 100% content (and currently happy) and not at all bored with how my life is at this moment. I've realized that when life looks a bit cloudy, you just need a little patience to wait for the sun to come back.
I'm sure that my talents could do great things in other places and could possibly be wasted here. However, if I chose to focus on that idea, I would obviously be sitting around wondering if there was something I was missing. And I hate the idea of being that person...the one who "what if's" her life away. I think it is more important to embrace where you are and appreciate who you surround yourself with. I have wasted a lot of time in my life being afraid of opening up to others and afraid of being happy. I'm done with those notions. I want to be happy and content and everything that comes with it. If I've learned anything, I know that there's no need to push life...everything falls into place when you least expect it. Because life knows that surprises are always more appreciated than when you were expecting it.
Thursday, January 3, 2013
I'm Too Busy Choking On Your Cologne To Notice If You're Cute
A piece of advice that I have commonly heard over the years is that a woman cannot find a suitable man in a bar. If there are any suitable men there, they are most likely already with a partner and therefore, unavailable. I decided to start paying a bit of attention to the behavior of the male species in that alcohol-induced habitat to research why a suitable man cannot be found there. What I discovered was quite amusing and thus, the creation of the wonderful list below that can help the average male turn this sterotype around. I broke it down into a simple "Do" and "Don't" list since I'm well aware of the limited attention span of the average man.
1. DON'T stare at a woman from across the room like a creeper. Please learn the art of the subtle glance and smile to let her know you're interested. If she smiles back, that is your green light.
2. DO introduce yourself politely instead of using some cheesy pick-up line. Those don't work in real life. I don't care how funny it is in your head. It's going to sound like Austin Powers when it comes out of your mouth, minus the accent (...unless of course you're British.)
3. DON'T invade her personal space. We do not want to be able to smell the beer on your breath or choke on the smell of your cologne. If you play your cards right, there will plenty of time to get close in the future.
4. DO offer to buy her a drink. I realize we are in the "independent woman" decade, but not offering will lower your chances because women expect men to offer. It is just one of those unspoken rules between the sexes.
5. DO realize that if she turns down your drink offer, there is a good chance she is not interested. Or, if she is, this is your cue to leave the ball in her court anyway. If she says no, you say, "Alright, have a good night. Let me know if you change your mind." Walk away.
6. DON'T continue to bother her once she has turned you down. Your chances immediately go to zero when you become "that guy" who just won't go away. If we're interested, trust me, we will come find you.
7. DO be aware that if you have the guts to approach us when we are surrounded by our friends, you better bring your A-game. Because before I have even had a chance to evaluate you, they have already formed an opinion of you that they will share with me as soon as you excuse yourself to go to the bathroom.
8. DON'T immediately go up to another girl if we turn you down. That is tacky and don't forget, women talk in the bathroom. You don't want to find yourself as a topic of scorned women conversation that happens in there. Trust me.
9. DO leave me wanting more. We love a good chase as much as you do (despite knowing we're supposed to let men do the chasing.)
10. DON'T follow any Swingers/Wedding Crashers/any other guy movie rule regarding calling us. If you liked me and were lucky enough to get my number, use it.
-ldw
1. DON'T stare at a woman from across the room like a creeper. Please learn the art of the subtle glance and smile to let her know you're interested. If she smiles back, that is your green light.
2. DO introduce yourself politely instead of using some cheesy pick-up line. Those don't work in real life. I don't care how funny it is in your head. It's going to sound like Austin Powers when it comes out of your mouth, minus the accent (...unless of course you're British.)
3. DON'T invade her personal space. We do not want to be able to smell the beer on your breath or choke on the smell of your cologne. If you play your cards right, there will plenty of time to get close in the future.
4. DO offer to buy her a drink. I realize we are in the "independent woman" decade, but not offering will lower your chances because women expect men to offer. It is just one of those unspoken rules between the sexes.
5. DO realize that if she turns down your drink offer, there is a good chance she is not interested. Or, if she is, this is your cue to leave the ball in her court anyway. If she says no, you say, "Alright, have a good night. Let me know if you change your mind." Walk away.
6. DON'T continue to bother her once she has turned you down. Your chances immediately go to zero when you become "that guy" who just won't go away. If we're interested, trust me, we will come find you.
7. DO be aware that if you have the guts to approach us when we are surrounded by our friends, you better bring your A-game. Because before I have even had a chance to evaluate you, they have already formed an opinion of you that they will share with me as soon as you excuse yourself to go to the bathroom.
8. DON'T immediately go up to another girl if we turn you down. That is tacky and don't forget, women talk in the bathroom. You don't want to find yourself as a topic of scorned women conversation that happens in there. Trust me.
9. DO leave me wanting more. We love a good chase as much as you do (despite knowing we're supposed to let men do the chasing.)
10. DON'T follow any Swingers/Wedding Crashers/any other guy movie rule regarding calling us. If you liked me and were lucky enough to get my number, use it.
-ldw
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