"Sometimes the weight you need to lose isn't on your body."
These days life is pretty different than say back in 2016 which is the last time I wrote. I've been married now for 2 1/2 years and there's no denying it - I've changed. Particularly around my waistline. Now, you may think this would be a rant about how folks keeping asking and assuming I'm expecting a baby due to my belly being a bit bigger than it used to be. And it is, but there's more to the story than that.
As a woman of 36, my body just doesn't look like it used to. Size 4 is a far distant memory from my early 20s. And with everyone assuming my little belly on my still somewhat slender frame means there's a baby on board, I'm forced to choose my wardrobe with more "flowing" options instead of tight fitting. This doesn't bother me at all. I've never been the self conscious type and that certainly isn't changing with age. Most people are more embarrassed than me when I respond with a polite smile and say, "No, I'm not expecting. Just fat and happy from a good marriage I suppose."
The reason behind my weight is not a new story. I could eat better but I'm never giving up carbs. I could exercise more, or at all. I could stress less but couldn't we all? I could drink less however my porch is way too perfect for afternoon cocktails to deny this pleasure. To be perfectly honest, I'd rather be happy than fit into a pair of size 4 skinny jeans anymore. My physical weight is not the problem at hand. It's the weight of everything else.
It's the weight that comes behind the baby question that people ask and don't realize what that might mean to a couple that's trying. It's the weight behind trying to be a good leader & coach at work to a team that depends on you. It's the weight of no longer being frequent visitors for cocktail hour downtown and realizing your list of friends has changed due to that. It's the weight of despite having the most loving, supportive husband in the world, making sure that you're being the best partner and providing him with what he needs every day from his wife. It's the weight of relationships that no longer suit your changed life or perhaps the new priorities that come with being married and soon-to-be new home owners.
I can't help but wonder if that means I should be using the same attitude towards my closet in the rest of my life. What are the more flowing options for everything else I mentioned? I think the answer is to live in the present. Of course, I should look at the future but I can't look so hard that my expectations create fear instead of hope. I control the things I can and stop letting the rest weigh me down. I spend time with the friends who choose to be with me too and don't hold a grudge if it's been awhile since we hung out because life is different for us all. I spend time continuing to coach myself on being a good leader and make sure my team's needs are above my own. And I'm not giving up my porch time cocktails....that's an essential solution that flows into my glass to help lighten the load when the weight gets to be too much. If the weight in your life is getting to be too much, come join me on the porch and let's unload it. We'll worry about the calorie intake later.
-lwm
