Happy magnets

There are laws to attraction but do we even follow the rules when it's someone we can't resist? The basic principle is that "like attracts like" and by focusing our thoughts on what, or in this case who, we want, we can achieve the desired result. Well, when it comes to romance, it seems we have to throw science out the window. How many times have we all longed for someone who consumed our thoughts only to end up without the happy ending? Unfortunately with matters of the heart, positive thinking does not always bring a positive outcome. That doesn't stop the hopeful romantics from their daydreaming but perhaps a bit of reality could be useful.

Here's the thing: we generally believe that we are attracted to someone because of who they are. And that's true. However, I think what's more important is that we are attracted to those who like and support who we are. This could be the reason that we end up with more lost causes than wins. Simply being attracted to someone for who they are doesn't provide enough foundation to start building something bigger. It has to be a two way street. If you aren't choosing someone who appreciates you in the same way, no amount of positive affirmations is going to draw that person to you. This is why the concept of opposites attract tends to work out better for most relationships. Those couples are accepting of who the other person is, even if it's a complete 180 from their own persona.

At the end of the day, we are all just looking for someone who gets us. We want a partner who knows all our idiosyncrasies and loves us anyway. We want someone we can show our true selves to without any hestitation or fear of rejection. We want a companion who sees the good and the bad and accepts both equally. We want someone who understands we are a package deal and that even at our worst, we're worth it. Once we find that person, we get to make our own rules. If you're lucky, you'll find someone who is happy to throw out the rule book completely and just go with it. If you find your someone, it'll be just that simple. No rules. Just a couple of happy magnets, stuck together forever.

-ldw

*Thank you Jessica Archer...you were my muse today xoxo

Birfday shmirfday

Well, where did you come from 30? It seems like only yesterday I was a 20-something trying to figure out what to do with my life. Funny thing is I'm pretty sure I'm still wondering that same thing. The only difference is that I'm content without knowing the answer. In a few days I will be transitioning over from my 20s and entering the world of my 30s. Apparently according to most female magazines and books, this is supposed to be a disaster. I am actually excited about it & do not have a single drop of pessimism about it. Looking back, I can honestly say I do not regret anything up to this point. I have lived a life I can be proud of and have learned lessons that have made me someone I am proud to be. I feel more comfortable and alive in my own skin than I ever have. I have learned to be content which in my case is a huge accomplishment. It doesn't do well to constantly be curious if there's something more out there. It seems to work better once you realize that maybe where you are is exactly where you're supposed to be. I am extremely lucky & grateful to have a life I can be happy with currently.

A former boss of mine had a theory that by the time you're 34 is when life falls into place. She told me the other day that 30 was her favorite year because that's when she figured out where she wanted her life to go. I love that inspiration. I like feeling more knowledgeable than clueless in all of life's areas yet knowing there are still many lessons to be learned. I feel better prepared for situations with friends, work, etc. I find myself being more open which has always been a goal for me. I used to be very closed off & would shy away from things that weren't in my comfort zone. Thankfully, I have chosen very good friends who are supportive and encouraging to stepping outside of that.

Recently, I have started to open up my own little world with new experiences. And new acceptances that my pride used to hinder me from doing. A year ago, I couldn't say that I know how to shoot a gun. A year ago, I couldn't say that I know how to forgive without resent. A year ago, I couldn't say I choose (more often than not) to act responsibly instead of impulsively. A year ago, I was writing angry blogs about boys. A year ago, I was contemplating my next move for the gypsy soul. It's nice to be able to see that I'm growing and learning that "Don't sweat the small stuff" wasn't just some cliche phrase. Because I don't sweat the small stuff anymore. I have somehow figured out how to take the ups and downs of life as they are. To be frank, shit happens. That's never going to change. You have the choice to let it rule your life or to go with it. Life has an ebb and flow that isn't always great. However, I have finally realized that you just need patience sometimes to let the good come back around. Anytime I am in doubt of that, I have plenty of friends to remind me how good life is. These days I'm keeping it simple. And for a girl who used to think simple was boring, I'll be the first to say it's the best idea I've come up with in 30 years. Here's to my next 30 years...can't wait to see where this adventure goes!

-ldw

Settling [kind of]

I've always been the girl who was looking for something more. I could never just look at what was present and be content with it. I thought being content meant giving up the idea that there could be something great on the horizon. I believed that the majority of the world was giving up on their potential by settling. As I approach the ripe old age of 30 next month, I am starting to realize I may have been wrong.

Recently, I have found myself content with my life in this small southern town and not being unhappy about that fact. In the past, my gypsy soul has taken me to many different places searching for happiness. Well, the fact of the matter is, I'm no Peter Pan. It's time to accept what is in the here and now. It's time to stop thinking I am missing out when there are plenty of great things already present in my life. The occasional downers that I used to think were reasons to leave are just simply the lows we all encounter in life. Leave it up to a gal who was spoiled as child to be so quick to think she needs to change her entire life just because things aren't sunshine & rainbows all the time. I thought being content meant being boring. I am 100% content (and currently happy) and not at all bored with how my life is at this moment. I've realized that when life looks a bit cloudy, you just need a little patience to wait for the sun to come back.

I'm sure that my talents could do great things in other places and could possibly be wasted here. However, if I chose to focus on that idea, I would obviously be sitting around wondering if there was something I was missing. And I hate the idea of being that person...the one who "what if's" her life away. I think it is more important to embrace where you are and appreciate who you surround yourself with. I have wasted a lot of time in my life being afraid of opening up to others and afraid of being happy. I'm done with those notions. I want to be happy and content and everything that comes with it. If I've learned anything, I know that there's no need to push life...everything falls into place when you least expect it. Because life knows that surprises are always more appreciated than when you were expecting it.

I'm Too Busy Choking On Your Cologne To Notice If You're Cute

A piece of advice that I have commonly heard over the years is that a woman cannot find a suitable man in a bar. If there are any suitable men there, they are most likely already with a partner and therefore, unavailable. I decided to start paying a bit of attention to the behavior of the male species in that alcohol-induced habitat to research why a suitable man cannot be found there. What I discovered was quite amusing and thus, the creation of the wonderful list below that can help the average male turn this sterotype around. I broke it down into a simple "Do" and "Don't" list since I'm well aware of the limited attention span of the average man.

1. DON'T stare at a woman from across the room like a creeper. Please learn the art of the subtle glance and smile to let her know you're interested. If she smiles back, that is your green light.

2. DO introduce yourself politely instead of using some cheesy pick-up line. Those don't work in real life. I don't care how funny it is in your head. It's going to sound like Austin Powers when it comes out of your mouth, minus the accent (...unless of course you're British.)

3. DON'T invade her personal space. We do not want to be able to smell the beer on your breath or choke on the smell of your cologne. If you play your cards right, there will plenty of time to get close in the future.

4. DO offer to buy her a drink. I realize we are in the "independent woman" decade, but not offering will lower your chances because women expect men to offer. It is just one of those unspoken rules between the sexes.

5. DO realize that if she turns down your drink offer, there is a good chance she is not interested. Or, if she is, this is your cue to leave the ball in her court anyway. If she says no, you say, "Alright, have a good night. Let me know if you change your mind." Walk away.

6. DON'T continue to bother her once she has turned you down. Your chances immediately go to zero when you become "that guy" who just won't go away. If we're interested, trust me, we will come find you.

7. DO be aware that if you have the guts to approach us when we are surrounded by our friends, you better bring your A-game. Because before I have even had a chance to evaluate you, they have already formed an opinion of you that they will share with me as soon as you excuse yourself to go to the bathroom.

8. DON'T immediately go up to another girl if we turn you down. That is tacky and don't forget, women talk in the bathroom. You don't want to find yourself as a topic of scorned women conversation that happens in there. Trust me.

9. DO leave me wanting more. We love a good chase as much as you do (despite knowing we're supposed to let men do the chasing.)

10. DON'T follow any Swingers/Wedding Crashers/any other guy movie rule regarding calling us. If you liked me and were lucky enough to get my number, use it.

-ldw

Keep it simple.

Tonight, a group of people were discussing the issue of what it means to love someone or be in love with someone. The debate was which one was more important. It seems to me that just simply loving someone is definitely the better choice.

If you are capable of falling IN love with someone, then it is also possible to fall OUT of love with that person. So, why even bother worrying about being in love? Why not just love someone and be done with it? When you factor in the possibility of being in love then you invite the inevitable downfall of one day being out of love with said person. From my understanding, to love someone is to forget your own ego and to feel what you feel for them without expecting any reciprocation. As Emerson said, "To love is to be unselfish in every aspect of the way." Or something like that.

While being in love with someone may bring that silly giddiness, to truly love someone has greater rewards. To be able to put someone else before your own needs without knowing if you'll get the same in return seems much more honorable to me. We cannot choose who our hearts decide to love but I think we can choose who we fall in love with. Every single person has a brain which can reason whether or not we should care about certain people. Love isn't this uncontrollable thing that happens. We choose who we spend our time with and we can determine from that who is worth a piece of our hearts. Too often, we get ahead of our own hearts by "falling" for someone and usually falling too fast for the wrong reasons. Love takes time to develop. When people say they have fallen in love, I'd wager they have fallen into something but it ain't love. Not yet anyway.

-ldw

[Writer's note: I wrote this last month & didn't post it because I thought it needed more. After re-reading it tonight, I'm going with the original. I hope you like it.]

You need one

Call it a clan, call it a network, call it a tribe, call it a family. Whatever you call it, whoever you are, you need one. - Jane Howard

I'm a bit of a loner. Always have been actually. It's always hard for me to trust and let people in. Even the friends I let in, I keep them at a distance whether they realize it or not. My family has learned to accept my solo nature and it's by no fault of theirs that I'm not as close to them as most are with their families. My free spirit just doesn't quite connect perhaps because I am not ready to settle down. They've gotten married, had kids, and bought houses. None of those things are on my priority list yet. These days my priority list leans more towards self discovery.

Some may find this hard to believe since I may come off as a social butterfly when I'm out & about downtown. But, you can be surrounded by a hundred people and still feel alone when you're as guarded as I am. Lately, I have retreated even further into my hermit-ness as I evaluate the priorities in my life. This means also evaluating the people in my life too. Since I am more timid than most when it comes to trusting others, when I am choosing my "clan" it takes quite a bit of evaluating on my part. Mainly because one side of me is prideful enough to think I don't need anybody. But as Ms. Howard points out in a matter-of-fact way, everyone needs other people to count on.

The small network of confidants I call friends are proving to me more every day that it's okay to lean on others sometimes. It's a give and take because one day they'll need to lean on me. I try to be a good friend but I think my pride leads to the weakness of being fair weathered sometimes. This comes from a fear of opening up & then being hurt. It feels like a total cop out to say that because I'm sure everyone feels that way sometimes. However, I am there for the people I care about when it matters most.

As much as I find it hard to believe, I guess I do actually have a "clan", a "tribe", a group of people that I will lay down and die for. And I do need them. As much as I'd like to deny it, I do need those friends that are there through the thick and the thin. At the end of the day, you know who you are if you're one of them. And if you have to question it for even a second, then sorry you're aren't one.  Maybe I don't say it or make it known as I should but I'm a big fan of my clan. I only hope that other people are fortunate enough to say the same. But not about my clan. Because they're mine! Obviously.

-ldw

Porch talk

I find that the cold air is clarifying. No man can touch me here. I am living without the burden of their rejection. My eyes are clear and my heart is stable. I sit outside looking out into the night and I'm at peace. With myself and my heart. I realize I am the owner of my feelings and no one controls that without my consent. I used to think I was too hard to let men in but it's become apparent that maybe men should step their game up. Show me that you're worthy of my heart. No games to be played.