Lose the Weight

"Sometimes the weight you need to lose isn't on your body."

These days life is pretty different than say back in 2016 which is the last time I wrote. I've been married now for 2 1/2 years and there's no denying it - I've changed. Particularly around my waistline. Now, you may think this would be a rant about how folks keeping asking and assuming I'm expecting a baby due to my belly being a bit bigger than it used to be. And it is, but there's more to the story than that.

As a woman of 36, my body just doesn't look like it used to. Size 4 is a far distant memory from my early 20s. And with everyone assuming my little belly on my still somewhat slender frame means there's a baby on board, I'm forced to choose my wardrobe with more "flowing" options instead of tight fitting. This doesn't bother me at all. I've never been the self conscious type and that certainly isn't changing with age. Most people are more embarrassed than me when I respond with a polite smile and say, "No, I'm not expecting. Just fat and happy from a good marriage I suppose."

The reason behind my weight is not a new story. I could eat better but I'm never giving up carbs. I could exercise more, or at all. I could stress less but couldn't we all? I could drink less however my porch is way too perfect for afternoon cocktails to deny this pleasure. To be perfectly honest, I'd rather be happy than fit into a pair of size 4 skinny jeans anymore. My physical weight is not the problem at hand. It's the weight of everything else.

It's the weight that comes behind the baby question that people ask and don't realize what that might mean to a couple that's trying. It's the weight behind trying to be a good leader & coach at work to a team that depends on you. It's the weight of no longer being frequent visitors for cocktail hour downtown and realizing your list of friends has changed due to that. It's the weight of despite having the most loving, supportive husband in the world, making sure that you're being the best partner and providing him with what he needs every day from his wife. It's the weight of relationships that no longer suit your changed life or perhaps the new priorities that come with being married and soon-to-be new home owners.

I can't help but wonder if that means I should be using the same attitude towards my closet in the rest of my life. What are the more flowing options for everything else I mentioned? I think the answer is to live in the present. Of course, I should look at the future but I can't look so hard that my expectations create fear instead of hope. I control the things I can and stop letting the rest weigh me down. I spend time with the friends who choose to be with me too and don't hold a grudge if it's been awhile since we hung out because life is different for us all. I spend time continuing to coach myself on being a good leader and make sure my team's needs are above my own. And I'm not giving up my porch time cocktails....that's an essential solution that flows into my glass to help lighten the load when the weight gets to be too much. If the weight in your life is getting to be too much, come join me on the porch and let's unload it. We'll worry about the calorie intake later.

-lwm

A girl's dream...a woman's reality

For many years I searched to not only find but figure out who the ideal person would be for me. Growing up as Southern girl, I had these big ideas that my perfect guy would be a good ol' boy. Southern girls are brought up to find men that are as reliable as their Daddy's. The funny part is that I spent a lot of time going after all types of men that were so NOT the good ol' boy types. Not sure how I was dumb enough to keep chasing every type that wasn't what I knew I wanted at the time but at least the romantic gods were listening all along. Because this girl's dream of ending up with a Southern gentleman has become this woman's reality.

He loves my family and gets along with them as if he's always been apart of our family. He treats me with more respect and honor than any man I've known, He loves college football. He may not be a Gamecock but that can be forgiven because of his commitment to his own teams. He cooks a better meal than anyone I've ever met. (I hope our moms aren't reading this!) He also shares the cooking duties and doesn't think it's just a woman's duty, He has the patience of a saint when waiting on me to get ready. Yet he fully appreciates and compliments the end result after waiting. He brought two loving and amazing dogs into my life that I could not live without now. Let's be honest, no true southern happy ending doesn't have dogs involved. He argues with me without backing down because he knows I'm tough enough to take it. The sign of a true Southern gentleman who respects his Southern woman and understands she is her own person.

There are days we drive each other crazy. And to be honest, we have some pretty great fights when we butt heads. However, none of that matters. What matters is the 5 minutes after we've argued or been irritated with each other. The moment we look at each other and start laughing because we know that whatever we were upset about doesn't matter. I can only hope that this will remain as we continue our life together. In our time together, he's always been the perfect Southern gentleman. He has no idea that this girl had always been wishing for him and never imagined he would be her reality.

Getting My Feet Wet

Wow, it's been awhile but I felt compelled today. I celebrated my 33rd birthday this past Sunday. For some reason this week I have realized how far I've come from my younger self. Some things haven't changed....like listening to my favorite, Corey Smith while I write. He's a great muse to my emotions. It probably helps that he's getting older too and continues to write music I can relate to beyond the younger stuff of drunken nights and heartaches. As his newest hit on the radio says, "I'm just getting my feet wet..."

In my twenties I used to think that was the time I was doing all these amazing things in life. I was partying and living it up never worrying about tomorrow. Flash forward to today. In a little over a year, I'll be getting married to a wonderful man who was definitely the person that God intended me to find. Only he could put up with the craziness that is me, There are nights when we throw caution to the wind and don't worry about tomorrow....but that notion always seems to bit us in the ass the next morning when grown up responsibilities call.

I've reached that age where all my friends are getting married too and having kids. It's funny to think I used to say I hated kids and now I am so in love with my future nephews. I just got off the phone with one of my best friends (and future bridesmaid) due to a chocolate milk fiasco. Of all of these life disasters between family, friends, kids, and pets happen, it's nice to know we can all laugh and survive through those together. One of my favorite quotes from a movie is from Lost in Translation when Bill Murray's character says, "The more you know who you are and what you want, the less you let things upset you." I want this life of friends and family with all of life's ups and downs. The things I used to call tragedies in my 20s are laughable compared to the daily struggles we encounter. I say laughable because as I get older, it's easier to laugh more things off instead of letting them consume me with misery. It's pretty hard these days to rain on my parade. I've gotten pretty good at finding that silver lining. It could help that my wonderful future husband lets me vent to him regularly.

I realized the other day that I used to only write when I was sad or upset which made for great entertainment for my (very few) fans. It seems that I associated writing with personal misery so I will try to change that perspective. As I type this final sentence, I miss this. So I'll try to be better and not let another year pass before the next one.

-ldw

Location Situation

For those of you who don't know what "location situation" means, it's another way of saying "You had to be there." It seems kind of perfect that it was the name of our trivia team the night a little over a year ago my feelings for my significant other went from platonic to romantic. We have known each other for 10 years but it wasn't until 2 years ago that our circle of friends began to overlap. I'll be the first to admit that I had him pegged all wrong until I got to know him. I thought he was an asshole to be quite frank. So imagine my surprise when I discovered a completely different person was living instead this so-called asshole. And even more surprise when I fell in love with him. It was and still is for us a "location situation."

Like most couples in love, in between sharing our lives, we share inside jokes, drinks, hurts, stress from work, and the understanding that no one else could understand us the way we do. Our friends pick on us for being so inseparable but I can't find a reason why that could be wrong. After heartache after heartache from men who couldn't find the time for me, I find myself very lucky to have one that can't get enough of me. When they're giving us hell about not being social with everybody else, we just smile at each other & think, "It's a location situation."

That phrase has a bit more meaning if we think about the timing of when hearts collide. Being in the right place at the right time is an old notion we all seem to believe in one way or another. Especially if you've known someone for as long as I knew him, you sort of wonder why it happened now and not sooner. He and I have pondered that together a hundred times but we always come to the same conclusion. Whether you believe in fate or stars aligning or simple coincidence, the fact is that things like love happen when you're ready. I couldn't tell you what universal force is responsible for knowing when you're ready but I'd buy it a drink if I could to say thank you for sending me the man I share my life with.

I know I haven't written much lately but a good friend reminded me just because I'm busy being happy and in love doesn't mean I can't write a bit. So, I'll see you soon...

Pearls of Wisdom for My Younger Self

As I've heard before, getting older does have its privileges. One of those privileges would be the lessons learned along the way. Experience is a great teacher to shape us into more thoughtful, mature individuals. Although I can't say I've let go of all of my childish notions just yet, I am a work in progress. Here's a few things I've discovered now that my 20 year old self would not have thought twice about. Thankfully I have grown up in some ways even if I didn't even notice it was happening at the time.

... Never come empty handed when you're invited to someone's house. Regardless of the occasion, a gift, no matter how big or small, is a way of telling your host you appreciate them sharing their time & home with you.

... When someone gives you a compliment, say "Thank You" and make eye contact when doing so. Someone took the time (and often the guts) to point out something special about you. Acknowledging it instead of shrugging it off is the best way to show your appreciation. My younger self was embarrassed by compliments. I am learning how to accept them with grace and being comfortable in the confidence of myself & my abilities.

... Solitude is not a weakness. It is a strength. Learning how to be content hanging out with yourself is important. After all, you're going to be stuck with you for awhile. You might as well get to know yourself.

... Your wardrobe & style should grow with you. While not all of us are blessed with knowing how to wear the latest trends, this could be a blessing in disguise! Learn how to wear the appropriate attire for the appropriate occasion. No, flip flops are not acceptable for a job interview. Ladies, jeans that ride low enough for your thong to poke out are no longer sexy over the age of...well, never. Gentlemen, there is only one correct way to wear a ball cap & that's facing forward the way they were designed.

...  You won't be any less cool if you choose to go home instead of to the "after party" after you've certainly already had enough to drink. My mother used to say, "There ain't nothing good that happens are midnight." The older I get, the more I see how right she is! I've coined the reminder term, "Cinderella curfew" in order to tame that little party girl that lives instead me. All that being said, I do believe every once is awhile it is perfectly acceptable to stay up way past midnight but only under these conditions. You should be sitting on the back of a tailgate around a bonfire with your friends sharing sips of moonshine and listening to old country music.

... Don't be afraid to take control of your life. I let being young be an excuse for not reaching my potential. I worked a job that allowed me to sleep all day, work 8 hours for a paycheck, go out partying, and then do it all over again the next day. The year I turned 30, I woke up one afternoon, went to work, & put in my 2 weeks notice. Sometimes being unhappy in a job takes enough toil to inspire us to make a change. Change really is good & often needed in our lives to keep us sane!


....................I feel like this is a list that can continue to grow, but I couldn't resist going ahead & posting what I've got so far since it's been so long since I've posted anything. Feel free to share your comments below with your own pearls of wisdom!

Open Heart Policy

In 2012, I saw Warren Haynes with Gov't Mule live in concert for the first time. My favorite song lyric from his music is, "Open your heart when all else fails" which is a mantra I repeat to myself constantly. I tend to be very timid when it comes to matters of the heart. I fear the "what if" factor. What if I choose this path, only to find that another was a better deal? I spend more time second guessing my choices than enjoying them to begin with. I believe it may be time to put those indecisive notions to rest. It is time to stop ending things before they start.

While I wouldn't say my personal choices have always ended in failure, I don't have the kind of success stories I would prefer at this point in life. I have been my own worst enemy of sorts. I talk myself out of what could otherwise have been a good future. But, I am putting my foot down now! I will open my heart even if it scares me because it is new territory. I will hold my head up high, try to keep my chin from a fearful quiver, and smile my way through the scary parts. I will be open no matter what.

Even if things don't work out the way I want them to, I will not let that deter me from my new mantra. I am determined that when I find myself at a loss after taking many different turns which produce the same predictable results, I will still continue to open my heart. I will tell myself that at least I tried and that is better than the "what if" I hadn't taken a chance at all. This won't just apply to romantic relationships either. I can be pretty closed off in friendship too. So, it is important to apply the "open heart" policy to all personal relationships.

As the song goes on to say, "Hindsight is very clear when loneliness is falling..." It's in those quiet moments of retrospect that I start to rework past situations that could have been different if I'd only been more open. If I had learned to soften instead of harden in relationships, I might find myself in a different place. Perhaps I'd be writing frilly, mushy fairy tale blogs. Well, probably not. But I might be able to have as many success stories as failing ones. I've seen how things turn out by being closed off, so now is as good a time as any to see what outcome being open brings.

-ldw

Shiny New Toy

When I was a little girl, I had a bit of a Barbie doll obsession. Being a Daddy's girl, I would get a new doll every couple weeks. This coincided with the time it took for me to get bored with the newest addition. Now, that first week or so the new Barbie on the block got all my attention. She got to wear the cutest outfits, drive the best car, and move into the Barbie Dream House. She was the girl who got the happy ending with Ken while all the other Barbie dolls that came before her watched from the sidelines. The sideline Barbie dolls had one advantage over her though because they knew what was in store. The inevitable toss aside was soon to follow after the Shiny New Toy syndrome wore off.

As we grow up to become adults, we stop playing with dolls. Our new toys are boys. However, not much of the game has changed. We meet a new guy. We're excited and want to focus all of our attention on him. It is often more attention than the object of our new affection even deserves. Then, after a couple weeks of the flirting, text messaging, & a few inside jokes, the Shiny New Boy starts to look like every other male. He begins to lose his shine and his initial appeal. Then, we start to recall the embarrassing moments that we actually wasted stressing over said boy. We endure the slight teasing from our girl friends who had to listen to our over analyzing of his every move for the past couple weeks. Then, we shake it off and go in search of a new boy to play with. Thus, we enter a cycle that keeps replaying itself.

So, the question is how do we even get ourselves into this Shiny New Toy situation? And furthermore, how do we one day stop repeating the pattern? It is our desire to be desired and seen as a unique & awesome individual. After awhile, even your closest friends know most of your stories and your quirks It's nice to meet someone that sees you as a blank canvas. It's exciting to share yourself for the first time and in most cases be the Shiny New Toy for someone else. The butterflies. The stolen glances. The first kiss. The giddiness that reminds you of being a teenager again. All the beginning sparks are what perhaps makes Shiny New Toy syndrome a hard pattern for us to break. It's all the fun stuff without any commitment.

Hopefully, the pattern ends when we find someone who doesn't lose their shine. I hope a boy comes along that feels new all the time. I'm looking for the one that keeps the butterflies fluttering and every kiss has the same excitement as the first one. After all, Barbie can't be the only gal to get her happy ending.

-ldw