Chicken Soup for My Soul Today

"After awhile, you'll learn the subtle difference
between holding a hand and chaining a soul.
You'll learn that love doesn't mean learning
and company doesn't mean security.
You begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts
and presents aren't promises.
You learn to build all your roads today
'cause tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans.
After awhile, you'll learn that
even sunshine burns if you get too much.
So, plant your own garden and decorate your own soul,
instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.
You'll learn that you can endure,
that you are strong and you have worth..."

For some reason today, my little brain remembered that poem from back when I was sixteen and the "Chicken Soup for the Soul" books were new on the market. The above poem was in one of those books. It got me contemplating how I must have interpreted the poem then in comparison to how I interpret it now. I imagine at sixteen that I didn't really grasp what any of it meant; however I held the faith that age would bring understanding and wisdom for those words later. Perhaps the reason I did think of it today is because I am beginning to plant my own garden in my life. I have been so busy helping others water their gardens that I neglected my own. I no longer wish to live vicariously through others...I would like to live vicariously through me.

I find myself looking up at a wall of seeds and deciding which ones I would like to plant. The first seed I have chosen is courage, which will be needed for the new journey I am about to undertake. So often in the past, I let fear and laziness come in between me and my dreams. I should have known to weed those fears, but if I had not given in to them before I would not know to avoid them now. My daddy recently made a joke about how as a little girl I used to love to blow dandelions, not realizing I was doing nothing but spreading seeds for weeds all over the yard. I laughed and said, "Sounds like a metaphor for my life." Until now, that is. I always fancied the dandelion and thought it was unfair that the tiny golden flower was a weed. Funny how in life, the attractive weeds can sometimes disguise themselves to make us show sympathy when we most likely should not. I certainly have planted more weeds than flowers in my garden, but no better time than spring to do some pruning.

In late June, I will be plowing my way to a new city to start a new garden. There, I will plant the seeds for a new job, new friends, and a new life. I will also be sure to water and fertilize properly one of the greatest and most honest friendships I have ever known with my kindred spirit, who has been kind enough to offer her home to become mine as well. After living apart for almost 10 years, I am excited to finally be apart of her life as best friends are intended to be (instead of sharing joys and hurts from 500 miles away!) Ours is a friendship that is like ivy...you planted a tiny bit of it and every year since, it has multiplied and grown until it covers most of your garden. Her ivy has indeed covered most of my heart and I am thankful for that, especially recently when she has shown support in a way I didn't think possible from so far away.

I have never waited for anyone to bring me flowers, because I knew I was capable of growing my own. I just have not had enough faith in myself to actually do it. I am arming myself with a good set of gardening tools and new soil to do all those things I have been too afraid to try. It must be something in the spring air, but as the saying goes, "April showers bring May flowers." So, my flowers of courage will be blooming just in time for the "great escape" in June. I cannot wait to see how my garden grows!