In ruins...

"Ruin is the road to transformation..."

From my current standpoint, I have made another big mess of my life. This isn't one of those "Woe is me" kind of things because I am learning to find the silver lining no matter how dark the overcast may be. I think it's important when your plans don't go your way to be able to look at them objectively and admit your own defeat. While most will tell you not to call it failure, I believe that is sometimes necessary in order to give yourself a new beginning. One may ask how many new beginnings I have racked up so far in life. I would guess about 20-something...and counting. The line between learning your lesson and not dwelling on the past is very thin and hard to manuever at times.

We are creatures of constant change. What shifts inside us through life's ups and downs is shaping who we are meant to be. I'll be the first to admit that to call myself a "work in progress" would be an understatement. There are parts of me that I think I've gotten figured out and other parts that I can't even begin to try to make sense of. In hindsight, which we all know is quite clear, I learn the most about myself when I'm at my lowest points. That's when you can take a really good look at yourself and see what you're made of. I can't say I'm always happy about what I see. In that same breath, I will say that I can see changes in me that make me proud of who I am. While I might not have it all together, the stuff I do have together is becoming solid for a good foundation to build on. Maybe I am just using a different blueprint than most. I've been known to do things in an unconventional way. I guess you could say I think to keep things interesting.

If the quote above is true, then my transformation can't be far behind because my life certainly seems to be in ruins at the moment. But, my mama taught me to be a survior, so I won't stay down for long. I have already started to pick up the pieces to move ahead. I'm searching through the rubble for the things that I can still salvage. Sometimes they knock down buildings to build something better. That's the approach I'll take this time. A bit of renovating can't be too bad for the soul.

somewhere between prose & poetry

The first time we kissed, there was no kind of spark
it was lust laced with whiskey
but there was comfort in the touch
I gave your misery a listening ear
because I knew that's what you needed
As the sun started to rise, we drifted to sleep
holding onto to each other, neither of knew where it would lead
Now it's you that I can't get out of my head
wondering what you're feeling
wishing there was a song you'd write for me
but your heart doesn't seem like it's ready for healing
I know I'm not the safest bet
with a restless heart and a gyspy soul
but these days you're the one I come home for
hoping this hand I've dealt is one that you won't fold
I never saw this coming, the feelings I now try to hide
if I confess to you now, you'll run
I should know 'cause we can spot our own kind
Maybe I served my purpose, just being a friend for you
just another lost cause in the pile
that your broken heart can just abuse
You can't be to blame if you don't feel the same
I could never take it out on you
I'd be the last one to say hurtful things
after everything I watched you go through
We both agreed not to go too far
it's a vow we both have kept
But this is a promise I'd like to break
though I can't begin to figure out my next step...........