i want my own horse.

I could not have agreed more with Carrie Bradshaw when she quoted in "Sex & the City" :

Welcome to the age of un-innocence. No one has breakfast at Tiffany's, and no one has affairs to remember. Instead, we have breakfast at 7AM, and affairs we try to forget as quickly as possible....How the hell did we get into this mess?

I believe that is the question on the minds of many ladies in today's world. While we are bombarded with cinema and pages of fiction telling us about these perfect happy endings, the reality is that we feel more like an ugly step-sister than Cinderella. The shoe doesn't quite fit when our so-called Prince Charming comes along. We are so busy comparing him to make believe versions of our perfect mate that we delude ourselves out of seeing what is really there. We either build these men up into men they will never be or refuse to see what villians they really are. When this behavior becomes a pattern for all the men we date, romantic pessimism replaces wishful thinking.

As if we weren't already catching on to the reality of romance in this day and age, along come books to provide seemingly helpful advice. "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus" and "He's Just Not That Into You" only further let us know how unattainable happiness is with the opposite sex. I prefer the days I read books about sleeping princesses being saved by true love's kiss. They had it made. Take a nap and wake up with a happy ending! Although, even Snow White and Sleeping Beauty had to deal with jealous women, so perhaps they didn't have it easier than us after all.

These days, I don't know many women who are willing to leave behind one of their heels as a clue for their prince. Honestly, who wants to determine their maiden fair by a smelly shoe anyway? It seems to me if you want a happy ending, you have to write the story yourself. What's so great about a happy ending anyway? If it's so happy, why is it ending? Fairy tales in books and the happily ever after's in movies should only be a sense of inspiration and not a tool to be used for comparison. If you're busy comparing your own love life to fiction, then you might miss out on the real hero that comes knocking at your door. Or perhaps we realize that in real life, the heroine learns she can save herself and the prince is not a necessity for the happily ever after. I don't care to be a damsel in distress, so it doesn't make sense for me to wish for a prince to come along to save me.  If we're riding off into the sunset, I'm going to want my own horse anyway.

blue fuzzy sweatpants

There's this notion in my head that I won't be happy until I figure out what I want in life. I have been thinking of happiness as if it is a destination... a place I want to end up. Yet, happiness is a state of mind. It's a mood we're in or a way we feel. It isn't a place. I wouldn't think of sad or tired or hungry as a place to go to. These moods come and go every day, just like being happy.

I'm happy when I'm reading curled up in my bed, but every book has an ending. I'm happy when I'm wearing my blue fuzzy sweatpants, but I can't wear them every day. I'm happy when I'm singing in front of a crowd, but karaoke is only one night a week. I'm happy when I'm driving on a summer day with the windows down and the radio up, but I'd run out of gas if I kept driving without stopping. I'm happy when the smell of fresh baked cookies hits me in the face as I pull them out of the oven, but the smell goes away once they cool off.

Our moments of happiness aren't everlasting. We have to have a few breaks in between to be other things besides happy. Otherwise, we wouldn't appreciate our moments of bliss. If I stop looking at happiness as a destination, perhaps I'll start enjoying myself more. Because when I see it as a place I'm trying to get to, it feels unattainable. We think we are looking for our happy endings but we all know by now that endings are just new beginnings. So, it would make more sense to focus on happy beginnings, happy middles, and happy endings. We should accept that there is going to be some not-so-great stuff that wiggles its way in every once in awhile. If we weren't sad sometimes, we wouldn't know why being happy felt so good. I feel more hopeful knowing that happiness isn't a place I'm trying to reach. That way I can always know that my next smile is just waiting around the corner.