What if you're wrong? What if, just this once, life comes down on the side of the dirty mistresses? - Grey's Anatomy

The dirty mistress. She's the woman most others are afraid of. She can instill doubt and second guessing with a mere sly smile in the right direction. Most times, it isn't her that even makes the first move. She simply responds to the signs being thrown her way. She doesn't go looking to steal another woman's man, but she doesn't decline the interest if she feels it too. She gets a bad wrap most days. I'm sure most women would choose other nasty words for her...whore...slut...homewrecker. Funny, those same women don't seem to use those words for their significant other.

So, the dirty mistress takes all the blame. She is portrayed as the little pathetic lovesick puppy who is pining after a man who is already spoken for. Except she ain't always the one doing the chasing. The dirty mistress sleeps alone more often than not, contrary to popular belief. She is a lady in waiting...but it is her choosing which isn't nearly as pathetic as one would have you believe. She gets to have her cake & eat it too. Who can ever understand what it's like to be the woman who sets a man free, but be the woman he can't handle in full? I suppose it's easier to be with someone who is accommodating. Is it easier for a man to be with a woman who isn't smart enough to see he isn't hers one hundred percent? I suppose it is. The dirty mistress knows all there is to know and still feels compelled to the man anyway. He would have trouble getting anything past her because she knows how he works. Is that why she can't take the main stage? She knows all his tricks. Sadly enough, he doesn't know all hers. She gives just enough to play her part, but never gives it all because she's too smart to be that vulnerable. She would never let her guard down when he isn't free from his ties.

The dirty mistress may or may not have a secret hope to one day call that man her own. But he'll never know for sure. Because once he knows, the interest of having a dirty mistress disappears. She becomes left behind and just some fun he had when he got bored with his current flame. Dirty mistresses never get the guy, but then again who would want these cheating bastards anyway? That is what all dirty mistresses realize soon enough and have the sense to walk away. So, ladies don't give the evil eye to the dirty mistress without also turning that gaze on your boyfriend. It takes two to tango and your man knows how to dance just as well as we do.

wiping the stars from my eyes...

I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman. - Anais Nin

I have just finished reading "Henry and June" by Anais Nin, which is essentially her journals she kept during her affair with famous writer Henry Miller. It chronicles not only the affair with Henry but also her many affections for other men in her life at that time. As I read this book, I found my own thoughts & feelings reflected in its pages. My admiration for this woman grew the more I read. It was as if she had walked around inside my own head and put those thoughts in print.

Over the past few years, I have found that I have the capacity to connect with many at the same time as well. Most of these relationships I have formed are ones that I knew could never be reality. I used to foolishly believe in so-called happy endings. I suppose I used to have stars in my eyes about them, but now I understand their boundaries. I see them realistically and am beginning to understand their purpose. So often in life, we meet others who we share connections with. Some of these last longer than others, but for the most part they all open us up to ourselves. As we share ourselves with another, they help us grow and expand who we are as people. Ironically, the ones who seem to understand me the most are the ones I know I could never have. These are my star crossed lovers. They are the ones who fate brings to me, but will never allow me to be with.

The biggest epiphany for me after reading Ms. Nin's book was that the purpose of the star crossed lovers is not to gain a happy ending. Their presence in my life is to make me see what I deserve and what I'm worth. All of these unattainable men have taught me about myself, seen me in ways I never saw myself. They see the woman inside of the girl who is still trying to grow up. These men treat me exactly as the quote at the top of the page. They are teaching me not to settle. This is the most valuable lesson I can get from them since I have always been prone to settle for less than I deserve. It comes from a part of me that I hide very well that is wrapped in insecurity and low self esteem. For the most part, I am a confident person but when it comes to my heart, I seem to think I don't deserve to be happy. I hate that nasty part of me because it is the reason I make foolish mistakes and selfish choices that hurt others.

So, no more false pretenses for what I want. I am wiping the stars from my eyes. I will see men that enter my life as they are and not as they are inside my head. As a hopeless romantic, I am quick to see the best and what I want in the object of my affection. I forget to see who they are, which often leads to my disappointment. No more settling. It is time to get what I give and if I'm giving my all, I expect the same in return. It's as simple as that.

-ldw

Such is Life

"C'est la vie" is a French phrase that I have heard many times in life however it wasn't until recently that I discovered the actual translation, which is "Such is life." My generation has coined the popular phrase, "It is what it is" to replace this old saying. It seems to me this is the phrase we utter when we get to the point where we no longer can or care to control situations in our lives. More often than not, most situations are beyond our control. Trying to control them only leads to more stress and anxiety. Who needs that? I certainly don't. I'm the world's worst worrier and over analyzer...and apparently a bit of a control freak I've noticed recently. The thing is most people don't want to be controlled or told what to do. Sometimes the best action is inaction. I'm pretty sure things may work out better when people are given the freedom to make their own choices without anyone trying to push them into making a decision.

So, I have reached my point of taking a deep breath and saying, "It is what it is." Life always has its own plans for us, regardless of the plans we make. I am tired of worrying about people and things that don't have the sense to worry about me too. Because of this pointless worrying, I have let my feelings get hurt time and time again. Although many times unintentional from the other parties involved, it still hurts just the same. I am my own worst enemy. But, such is life. Aren't we all?

Perhaps it's time to take advice from the famous psychologist Carl Jung and "Let things happen." They're going to happen anyway, so there is no need to put the energy into trying to change them. Of all the things we can't control, people are number one on that list. For some reason, we have all been given the false idea that we can control others. It's a smoke screen. Everyone is going to do what they want to do despite anyone else's advice or suggestions. So, I'll save my breath. I will take a step back and let life take its course. I am putting my trust in fate to make the right decisions. Let's see where this philosophy takes me. Okay, life...I give you the reins.

"Life loves to be taken by the lapels and told, 'I'm with you kid. Let's go.'" - Maya Angelou

tempted.

There's a devil on my left and an angel on my right
perched on each shoulder, the devil whispers, "C'mon girl, seize the night."
The angel must been drinking from the same cup as me
because no one is talking me out of the temptation that I see
We can't go too far, but just enough to satisfy the lust
An innocent kiss or two is starting to feel like it's a must
I've been thinking about it for weeks
but held back just to see
I guess I was right all along
come on darlin', give in to me....
-ldw

[...we all know I never claim to be a poet, so don't judge too harshly.]





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