Aristotle once said, "Misfortune shows those who are not really friends." The part he didn't elaborate on is what misfortune does to those who are friends. There are many events that occur that can strenthen a friendship, but none so much as when we need help shouldering secret burdens. No one is without a few skeletons in their closet and it is only our nearest and dearest who are aware of what's inside our box of secrets. From this, trust is earned and becomes the foundation for lasting friendships, or what I like to call our fortunate friends. Fortunate friends are the friends we are lucky to have found...the ones that seems were hand picked by fate to be apart of our lives. It is through misfortune that we find out just how lucky we are.
These fortunate friends help us keep our sanity when the world seems to crumble around us. When we find ourselves at a dead end, they hand us a map, pointing out the alternative routes. When the last thing we want to do is smile, they crack a joke that they know will get a grin regardless. When everything seems hopeless, a fortunate friend finds that silver lining you were unable to see. They don't say, "It's going to be alright," when you both know it isn't; instead they say, "We'll get through this no matter what." While you begin to curse the darkness, they light a candle. No matter the dilemma that comes your way, with fortunate friends, there is no obstacle that cannot be overcome.
Then, when it's your turn to play the part, you must remember the requirements to being considered a fortunate friend. If there is judgement to be passed, it will not come from you. If there are words you are unsure are the right thing to say, silence is best. Sometimes you only need to lend your ears and a warm embrace of support. Place yourself in their shoes as you have been before to be able to show the right amount of compassion and understanding that is necessary. The main goal is to make sure your friend knows that they are not alone in their tragedy, but do so without smothering them.
Often when fortunate friends come to face a problem together, there are thin lines to walk in order to gracefully help each other. We won't always say the right thing, or even know what to say sometimes. Regardless, our fortunate friends can see our effort and will appreciate the sentiment just the same. It's all a learning process and who better to learn these lessons with than those we hold closest to our hearts?
"True friendship multiplies the good in life and divides its evils. Strive to have friends, for life without friends is like life on a desert island...to find one real friend in a lifetime is good fortune; to keep him is a blessing."
- Baltasar Gracian, 17th Century Spanish Philosopher & Writer
Monday, April 19, 2010
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Go the Distance
Centuries ago, men and women would be separated from each other for months upon months with love letters sent by post as the only means of communication. Yet, the bond between the couple remained and the romance kindled by their sweet nothings written on the pages. Fast forward to the 21st century, in general long distance relationships are frowned upon and greeted with a cynical attitude. It is believed impossible to maintain a romance from a distance despite our increase in communications technology. Even with the technology, couples still find themselves dealing with the issue of the lack of physical contact. Can these factors be overcome and happiness be found even if couples are separated?
If there is any time that a long distance romance would work, it is in today's world. Couples can talk and see each other every day with Internet tools such as Skype and ooVoo, which provide chat functions with live video feed. You can have coffee and read the newspaper with each other as if you would if you were in the same place. Emails are the new age love letters which can be received within seconds. We even have the option for our emails to come in directly to our mobile phones that we can carry anywhere with us. This means your significant other can contact you at any given moment regardless of how many miles are between you. Imagine how convenient this would have been in the 18th century instead of waiting weeks on end for a single letter from your companion. However, a love letter sent by mail should not be forgotten either. The thought and care put into a handwritten letter should certainly help keep the romance alive in a far away romance.
The only thing that cannot be transferred through phone lines or web cams is human touch. This is perhaps what ends up driving the couples apart, not being able to have physical contact or show tangible affection. If the couple is apart for months, should they expect the other to be faithful when our human nature lies in following our physical desires? The boundaries must be set from the start to avoid miscommunication down the road. At the end of the day, physical action is nothing compared to the mental and emotional connections between the man and woman. Honesty, good communication, and laughter are just a few things that make a lasting romance, not what happens in the bedroom. If both cannot agree on the terms set, it is most likely best to cut their losses and move on. Only turmoil and hurt will follow if both partners do not agree on whether theirs will be an open or closed relationship. There is no set way to go about that. It can only be decided by those partners as to what works for them.
For a long distance relationship to truly be successful, at one point someone has to make the big gesture. The big gesture is usually the decision to close the gap and live in the same place. After all, what is the point if there wasn't some potential or possibility of taking it to that level of commitment? Why would a couple put themselves through the trials of long distance romance if not for the reality of their own happy ending one day? It's that little voice inside that said, "Don't let this one get away." Why not see where this road leads? The cynics will say it is a waste of time to chase the dream of love over states, countries, and continents. I say, listen to your heart and just live your life doing what makes you happy. If it makes you smile, then embrace it. If it starts to grow, then let it. Take one day at a time and have fun. Most importantly, don't be afraid to fall in love because life has handed you some obstacles. It will make it all the more worth it when you can look at those cynics and say, "Told you so."
"I don't want to live -- I want to love first and live incidentally..." -Zelda Fitzgerald, from one of her love letters to husband & author F.Scott Fitzgerald
If there is any time that a long distance romance would work, it is in today's world. Couples can talk and see each other every day with Internet tools such as Skype and ooVoo, which provide chat functions with live video feed. You can have coffee and read the newspaper with each other as if you would if you were in the same place. Emails are the new age love letters which can be received within seconds. We even have the option for our emails to come in directly to our mobile phones that we can carry anywhere with us. This means your significant other can contact you at any given moment regardless of how many miles are between you. Imagine how convenient this would have been in the 18th century instead of waiting weeks on end for a single letter from your companion. However, a love letter sent by mail should not be forgotten either. The thought and care put into a handwritten letter should certainly help keep the romance alive in a far away romance.
The only thing that cannot be transferred through phone lines or web cams is human touch. This is perhaps what ends up driving the couples apart, not being able to have physical contact or show tangible affection. If the couple is apart for months, should they expect the other to be faithful when our human nature lies in following our physical desires? The boundaries must be set from the start to avoid miscommunication down the road. At the end of the day, physical action is nothing compared to the mental and emotional connections between the man and woman. Honesty, good communication, and laughter are just a few things that make a lasting romance, not what happens in the bedroom. If both cannot agree on the terms set, it is most likely best to cut their losses and move on. Only turmoil and hurt will follow if both partners do not agree on whether theirs will be an open or closed relationship. There is no set way to go about that. It can only be decided by those partners as to what works for them.
For a long distance relationship to truly be successful, at one point someone has to make the big gesture. The big gesture is usually the decision to close the gap and live in the same place. After all, what is the point if there wasn't some potential or possibility of taking it to that level of commitment? Why would a couple put themselves through the trials of long distance romance if not for the reality of their own happy ending one day? It's that little voice inside that said, "Don't let this one get away." Why not see where this road leads? The cynics will say it is a waste of time to chase the dream of love over states, countries, and continents. I say, listen to your heart and just live your life doing what makes you happy. If it makes you smile, then embrace it. If it starts to grow, then let it. Take one day at a time and have fun. Most importantly, don't be afraid to fall in love because life has handed you some obstacles. It will make it all the more worth it when you can look at those cynics and say, "Told you so."
"I don't want to live -- I want to love first and live incidentally..." -Zelda Fitzgerald, from one of her love letters to husband & author F.Scott Fitzgerald
Thursday, April 1, 2010
a spectacle, you say? nah ;)
• S: (n) serendipity - good luck in making unexpected and fortunate discoveries
I believe that 90% of the time when fate decides to throw something great our way, we tend to go with the whole "if it's too good to be true..." mentality. So, I have a huge respect for that other 10% when people take a chance and realize that nothing worthwhile is ever gained without risk. The same people who claim these risk takers are crazy are the same people who miss out on their own serendipity. If you ignore fate long enough, she might stop coming around. Be bold in those choices in your heart that may seem irrational but just feel right. As I've said before, our heads don't know how to feel which is why we were given hearts. Logic must sometimes be tossed aside to follow that little voice that says, "This one." Choose your love and love your choice. Listen not to the naysayers because in the end, it only matters what you think and know. They say timing is everything, so make the most of those timely discoveries that are willing to show you a whole new world...maybe even a world that could hold your ever after. As Jill A. Davis said, "Happy endings aren't for cowards." Be brave and never compromise when it comes to your heart's desire.
*Dedicated to Mr. & Mrs. Matthew Sayer - March 26, 2010
I believe that 90% of the time when fate decides to throw something great our way, we tend to go with the whole "if it's too good to be true..." mentality. So, I have a huge respect for that other 10% when people take a chance and realize that nothing worthwhile is ever gained without risk. The same people who claim these risk takers are crazy are the same people who miss out on their own serendipity. If you ignore fate long enough, she might stop coming around. Be bold in those choices in your heart that may seem irrational but just feel right. As I've said before, our heads don't know how to feel which is why we were given hearts. Logic must sometimes be tossed aside to follow that little voice that says, "This one." Choose your love and love your choice. Listen not to the naysayers because in the end, it only matters what you think and know. They say timing is everything, so make the most of those timely discoveries that are willing to show you a whole new world...maybe even a world that could hold your ever after. As Jill A. Davis said, "Happy endings aren't for cowards." Be brave and never compromise when it comes to your heart's desire.
*Dedicated to Mr. & Mrs. Matthew Sayer - March 26, 2010
Sunday, March 14, 2010
shotgun
I am not an option. I am not a multiple choice question. I am not an essay question you get to study for. I am not a take home test that you can bring back on Monday. I am not a final exam that determines whether you pass or fail. I am not a survey to be used for evaluation. I don't come with a warning label. I don't have an advisory to forecast the future.
Being with me is unpredictable and risky. It means taking a chance. It's realizing that every day won't be a bed of roses. Every day won't be sunshine and rainbows. Some days will be like a hurricane with wild winds and hard rain. I will rage like a storm when the world gets to be too much. I will take it out on you when I don't know what else to do. Sometimes there will be damage left behind. But if you can wait for that calm after the storm, it will make you remember why you chose to be by my side. The not knowing is scary. I know, but here's a secret for you. I'm scared too. I forgot to bring my weather gear when you blew into my life. I wasn't ready for you, but I recovered quickly. Because nobody wants to miss a good storm.
I am unlike any woman you have ever met. I'm anything but typical. I refuse to be normal. I say what I feel and laugh when I want to, even if it's at the wrong time. I am unforgettable and believe me when I say that I will leave an impression whether you stick around or not. I suffer from a lack of patience and a country girl upbringing. I am not scared of being alone, but I don't like being lonely. I deny wearing my heart on my sleeve yet that's the only way I know how to love. I can make you smile even if the world has just crumbled all around us. I don't know how to do anything unless I am passionate about it. I am afraid of being happy. I am honest even when it's against my better judgement. I act like I can take care of myself, but it's only an act. I want you to take care of me and I will take care of you. I know how to be everything you'll ever need. All I need is the chance to show you.
I am a woman who is worth your time. I should be a priority, without any question. I will not change who I am. I will grow over time, but my core identity is rock solid and cannot be shattered. My pride is unshakable and is sometimes responsible for my biggest mistakes. I've been known to be a big disappointment. It's the last thing I ever want to do to you, so it's only fair that I warn you of that. The worst thing you could ever do to me is make me look like a fool. I find it hard to recover from a bruised ego because I never want you to see me as anything less than perfect.
This is who I am. I don't expect you to like every single thing, but I do expect you to respect my individuality, as I do yours. Life with me is anything but boring. I don't think about the destination. I live in the moment. I live for the ride. Are you ready to sit shotgun? Or will you be left behind?
Being with me is unpredictable and risky. It means taking a chance. It's realizing that every day won't be a bed of roses. Every day won't be sunshine and rainbows. Some days will be like a hurricane with wild winds and hard rain. I will rage like a storm when the world gets to be too much. I will take it out on you when I don't know what else to do. Sometimes there will be damage left behind. But if you can wait for that calm after the storm, it will make you remember why you chose to be by my side. The not knowing is scary. I know, but here's a secret for you. I'm scared too. I forgot to bring my weather gear when you blew into my life. I wasn't ready for you, but I recovered quickly. Because nobody wants to miss a good storm.
I am unlike any woman you have ever met. I'm anything but typical. I refuse to be normal. I say what I feel and laugh when I want to, even if it's at the wrong time. I am unforgettable and believe me when I say that I will leave an impression whether you stick around or not. I suffer from a lack of patience and a country girl upbringing. I am not scared of being alone, but I don't like being lonely. I deny wearing my heart on my sleeve yet that's the only way I know how to love. I can make you smile even if the world has just crumbled all around us. I don't know how to do anything unless I am passionate about it. I am afraid of being happy. I am honest even when it's against my better judgement. I act like I can take care of myself, but it's only an act. I want you to take care of me and I will take care of you. I know how to be everything you'll ever need. All I need is the chance to show you.
I am a woman who is worth your time. I should be a priority, without any question. I will not change who I am. I will grow over time, but my core identity is rock solid and cannot be shattered. My pride is unshakable and is sometimes responsible for my biggest mistakes. I've been known to be a big disappointment. It's the last thing I ever want to do to you, so it's only fair that I warn you of that. The worst thing you could ever do to me is make me look like a fool. I find it hard to recover from a bruised ego because I never want you to see me as anything less than perfect.
This is who I am. I don't expect you to like every single thing, but I do expect you to respect my individuality, as I do yours. Life with me is anything but boring. I don't think about the destination. I live in the moment. I live for the ride. Are you ready to sit shotgun? Or will you be left behind?
Sunday, March 7, 2010
The "Romance is Dead" Reload
Almost a year ago, I penned a little diddy titled, "Romance is Dead" and it can be found here. While the year that followed that didn't disprove my theory, I find I need to give an updated version. Romance isn't dead; it has been reincarnated to suit a new generation. While I scoffed at the lack of romantic gestures, I have discovered it had more to do with the men I was choosing and my own lack of looking for the small stuff. We have to make our own definition of what gives us those stomach flutters and it is up to us to define it to our mate if they aren't quite filling our romance quota.
The days of lovesick poetry and handwritten love letters have taken their downfall. Yet, they have been replaced with inside jokes shared through text messages and twitterpated inspired Facebook updates. At first glance, these things don't seem like they can live up to the "old school" tricks of romance, but these new age gestures bring a smile just as easily. Afterall, if you consider the fact that when you receive a text message, you know exactly when that person is thinking of you. Love letters may have the "I think of you all the time" comment but the text message provides us with proof of the fact. Not to mention that silly grin and butterflies you get when you receive an unexpected text from the person you're digging. On that same note, those butterflies are what is felt when we receive the text message, so imagine the opposite when we don't hear from the person we like. Yeah, doesn't sound very fun, does it? So, don't be a jerk! Even if you're busy, just a text to say hi is better than nothing.
Some romantic gestures are timeless and consider this your hint, boys. I don't care what a girl says, we love flowers. It's one of those things that is often seen in movies and rarely in life. The spontaneous flower delivery is, of course, awesome. We will still be just as happy to receive them on our birthday or some other special occasion, such as to celebrate a job promotion. It's the thought that counts though, so don't even think about going with roses. Think of flower giving as a way to show off your creativity and try to pick something you think we'd like (instead of going for the obvious "old school" choice of roses.) I don't want to hear any complaints about how expensive flowers are either. My high school sweetheart once pulled over on the side of the road without saying a word, jumped out of the car, and came back with a handful of wildflowers. Best bouquet I have ever received, hands down.
If romance can be reincarnated, then it can also be of a karmic nature as well. So, remember how we treat others in relationships may very come back to bless or haunt us depending on our own actions. It couldn't hurt to improve your love karma by using a few of the above gestures mentioned. At the end of the day, we all just want to be with someone who makes us smile. Maybe if we learn to make our someone smile first, it will make it easier for them to return the favor. I once read a quote that said, "One does all the work, while the other does all the smiling." I used to believe that, but I think maybe it's time for my own romance reincarnation. If both partners aren't smiling, I see no reason why they should screw up their karma if they're clearly not happy together. As the Dalai Lama said, "Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions." I believe both partners must balance the workload for both to smile. If both are keeping the relationship karma at an even keel then perhaps they will discover their own way to keep the romance alive.
The days of lovesick poetry and handwritten love letters have taken their downfall. Yet, they have been replaced with inside jokes shared through text messages and twitterpated inspired Facebook updates. At first glance, these things don't seem like they can live up to the "old school" tricks of romance, but these new age gestures bring a smile just as easily. Afterall, if you consider the fact that when you receive a text message, you know exactly when that person is thinking of you. Love letters may have the "I think of you all the time" comment but the text message provides us with proof of the fact. Not to mention that silly grin and butterflies you get when you receive an unexpected text from the person you're digging. On that same note, those butterflies are what is felt when we receive the text message, so imagine the opposite when we don't hear from the person we like. Yeah, doesn't sound very fun, does it? So, don't be a jerk! Even if you're busy, just a text to say hi is better than nothing.
Some romantic gestures are timeless and consider this your hint, boys. I don't care what a girl says, we love flowers. It's one of those things that is often seen in movies and rarely in life. The spontaneous flower delivery is, of course, awesome. We will still be just as happy to receive them on our birthday or some other special occasion, such as to celebrate a job promotion. It's the thought that counts though, so don't even think about going with roses. Think of flower giving as a way to show off your creativity and try to pick something you think we'd like (instead of going for the obvious "old school" choice of roses.) I don't want to hear any complaints about how expensive flowers are either. My high school sweetheart once pulled over on the side of the road without saying a word, jumped out of the car, and came back with a handful of wildflowers. Best bouquet I have ever received, hands down.
If romance can be reincarnated, then it can also be of a karmic nature as well. So, remember how we treat others in relationships may very come back to bless or haunt us depending on our own actions. It couldn't hurt to improve your love karma by using a few of the above gestures mentioned. At the end of the day, we all just want to be with someone who makes us smile. Maybe if we learn to make our someone smile first, it will make it easier for them to return the favor. I once read a quote that said, "One does all the work, while the other does all the smiling." I used to believe that, but I think maybe it's time for my own romance reincarnation. If both partners aren't smiling, I see no reason why they should screw up their karma if they're clearly not happy together. As the Dalai Lama said, "Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions." I believe both partners must balance the workload for both to smile. If both are keeping the relationship karma at an even keel then perhaps they will discover their own way to keep the romance alive.
Monday, February 22, 2010
Can You Read My Poker Face?
When I was a kid, I learned to play poker with my cousin. He and I would bet with pennies and pieces of candy in my grandma's living room. We spent countless summers playing seven card draw. We both attended the same college and the same poker nights where Texas Hold 'Em was the new rage. As I got older, I learned gambling is not just for the poker table. One of life's riskiest games is the one we play while trying to find a perfect companion. While I can read a bluff sitting at the card table, I am the worst read on players in the game of love.
The love game is full of players with different strategies and various faces they bring to the table. When it's time to ante up, it's time to find out what you and they are made of. So, you throw your chips in and wait for some callers, or suitors in love's case. Some will fold, some will call your bet, and some will raise the stakes. This is where the risk comes into play. Are you holding a good hand, or is it a gamble with a hand that's open-ended?
Consider dating as the flop in Texas Hold 'Em. This is where the game starts. You have three cards dealt to help your cause, such as mutual friends, common interests, and let's face it...hormones. During this round of betting, a few players will fold. Perhaps their cards can't hold up anymore when faced with the above three factors and they cut their lost causes. Next is the turn, or rather the turning point after you've been dating for over 3 months. After 3 months of dating, if that chemistry is still alive you move into relationship status. The players check to each other and decide to give this relationship a chance. The next gamble for the players is with their hearts.
It's time for the river, the last and final card of the hand. This card represents what I like to call the spark. The spark is responsible for whether you take that plunge and fall in love. The stakes are high to say the least. A lot rides on that final card because it can make or break the cards in a player's hand. So, now you have to decide what to bet? If the spark is there, it's time to throw all in and let it ride. Even if you're holding a full house, you still don't know what else is out there that might have you beat.
When you decide to shove all in, your biggest bet is your heart. And you sit and wait for the other players to call. Your all in bet will take anyone out of the pot who didn't catch the spark on the river. As for those who did catch that spark, it looks like your all in bet has been called. Sometimes you take a bad beat and the other player ends up with four of a kind [or perhaps four other girls on the side.] Sometimes you've got the winning hand but in love, you lose that other player. Some players are intimidated with a player who isn't afraid to risk it all to win.
If I had my choice for the perfect all in, I'd like to see a split pot. The river card comes, the cards are shown, and you discover both players were holding cards that will win the hand. It's the only way for both to win and the only way you win with a love pot. There are no losers with a split pot...only winners who walk away with what they put in. Being able to put in everything you've got, which in this case means your heart, and walk away a winner seems like a pretty good "deal" to me.
"One should always play fairly when one has the winning cards." - Oscar Wilde
The love game is full of players with different strategies and various faces they bring to the table. When it's time to ante up, it's time to find out what you and they are made of. So, you throw your chips in and wait for some callers, or suitors in love's case. Some will fold, some will call your bet, and some will raise the stakes. This is where the risk comes into play. Are you holding a good hand, or is it a gamble with a hand that's open-ended?
Consider dating as the flop in Texas Hold 'Em. This is where the game starts. You have three cards dealt to help your cause, such as mutual friends, common interests, and let's face it...hormones. During this round of betting, a few players will fold. Perhaps their cards can't hold up anymore when faced with the above three factors and they cut their lost causes. Next is the turn, or rather the turning point after you've been dating for over 3 months. After 3 months of dating, if that chemistry is still alive you move into relationship status. The players check to each other and decide to give this relationship a chance. The next gamble for the players is with their hearts.
It's time for the river, the last and final card of the hand. This card represents what I like to call the spark. The spark is responsible for whether you take that plunge and fall in love. The stakes are high to say the least. A lot rides on that final card because it can make or break the cards in a player's hand. So, now you have to decide what to bet? If the spark is there, it's time to throw all in and let it ride. Even if you're holding a full house, you still don't know what else is out there that might have you beat.
When you decide to shove all in, your biggest bet is your heart. And you sit and wait for the other players to call. Your all in bet will take anyone out of the pot who didn't catch the spark on the river. As for those who did catch that spark, it looks like your all in bet has been called. Sometimes you take a bad beat and the other player ends up with four of a kind [or perhaps four other girls on the side.] Sometimes you've got the winning hand but in love, you lose that other player. Some players are intimidated with a player who isn't afraid to risk it all to win.
If I had my choice for the perfect all in, I'd like to see a split pot. The river card comes, the cards are shown, and you discover both players were holding cards that will win the hand. It's the only way for both to win and the only way you win with a love pot. There are no losers with a split pot...only winners who walk away with what they put in. Being able to put in everything you've got, which in this case means your heart, and walk away a winner seems like a pretty good "deal" to me.
"One should always play fairly when one has the winning cards." - Oscar Wilde
Monday, February 15, 2010
Fearless
Five years ago on Valentine's Day, I came home to pink roses, hundreds of tea light candles, and a delicious meal all cooked by my then-boyfriend. That's the last time I received any Valentine's Day present worth talking about. He is also the last and only serious relationship I have had in my adult life. Today, I told him if we hadn't gotten back together in the five years we were apart, then apparently we weren't too torn apart about being apart. About a month ago, I sent him a message telling him I had been thinking about him and what might have been. I told him I wanted to see him. I wanted to know if anything was still there. I left the ball in his court and said he should think about it. I had been waiting for his answer. Yet after sending that message, I freaked out. I asked myself where in the hell that came from and why now?
In hindsight, I already knew the answer. There is nothing there between the two of us. We lived. We loved. We learned. We did what every couple does and followed typical protocol when our interests went in separate directions. What I have been missing is not him, it's all the other stuff that came with having him as my boyfriend. I miss companionship, which makes me no different than the majority of the population. However, I have no one to blame but myself. I have had plenty of opportunities to date and have turned 99.9% of them down. While I have spent a lot of time teaching myself the difference between being alone and being lonely, I kind of missed the part where I've been playing the part of both back and forth. Why have I chosen this emotional ping pong game? Because I am scared of love. I am afraid of awkward moments, first dates which lead to self exposure to strangers, and most of all, hurting someone else's feelings if the spark just isn't there. I fear the unknown and learning to love again.
The biggest thing I am missing that I once had is fearlessness. I know it's hiding somewhere inside and that I once posessed this trait. I have plenty of stories about boys from yesterday when I fearlessly pursued them. Obviously, I did not end up with any of them but that didn't stop me from trying. So, what is stopping me now? When did I become a coward? It seems to have just snuck up on me. I've never been afraid of getting older unless it means that I lose the sense of fearlessness forever. I am not willing to part with that gift. It's time to regain that which has been lost.
The signs of destiny are sometimes subtle, but I've been too stubborn to look for any signs. I admire seredipity in books and movies, yet refuse it when it presents itself in my own life. Am I afraid of my own possible fairy tale? My life seems to be standing still and it's because I don't take chances anymore (not just in love, but in everything.) The wheel of fortune is waiting for me to take a spin and perhaps it's time to do that without doubt.
After all, according to poet James Russell Lowell, "Fate loves the fearless."
In hindsight, I already knew the answer. There is nothing there between the two of us. We lived. We loved. We learned. We did what every couple does and followed typical protocol when our interests went in separate directions. What I have been missing is not him, it's all the other stuff that came with having him as my boyfriend. I miss companionship, which makes me no different than the majority of the population. However, I have no one to blame but myself. I have had plenty of opportunities to date and have turned 99.9% of them down. While I have spent a lot of time teaching myself the difference between being alone and being lonely, I kind of missed the part where I've been playing the part of both back and forth. Why have I chosen this emotional ping pong game? Because I am scared of love. I am afraid of awkward moments, first dates which lead to self exposure to strangers, and most of all, hurting someone else's feelings if the spark just isn't there. I fear the unknown and learning to love again.
The biggest thing I am missing that I once had is fearlessness. I know it's hiding somewhere inside and that I once posessed this trait. I have plenty of stories about boys from yesterday when I fearlessly pursued them. Obviously, I did not end up with any of them but that didn't stop me from trying. So, what is stopping me now? When did I become a coward? It seems to have just snuck up on me. I've never been afraid of getting older unless it means that I lose the sense of fearlessness forever. I am not willing to part with that gift. It's time to regain that which has been lost.
The signs of destiny are sometimes subtle, but I've been too stubborn to look for any signs. I admire seredipity in books and movies, yet refuse it when it presents itself in my own life. Am I afraid of my own possible fairy tale? My life seems to be standing still and it's because I don't take chances anymore (not just in love, but in everything.) The wheel of fortune is waiting for me to take a spin and perhaps it's time to do that without doubt.
After all, according to poet James Russell Lowell, "Fate loves the fearless."
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