Only the Lonely

It has taken the better part of my young adult life to learn the difference between being alone and being lonely. There are still times when the two notions overlap each other and confuse the hell out of me. By definition, lonely means to be sad from being alone; yet alone is defined as being exclusive of anyone else. As you'll notice, there is no mention of lonely when defining alone. Often times, I think we settle for less when we're lonely. We just want that comfort that another warm body can provide and we forget to remember what we deserve. We confuse comfort with feeling, not realizing that our feelings for someone are hollow if they are only filling a space because of our loneliness.

But what is comfort without a little passion? A little romance? Comfort alone (no pun intended) can only fool your heart for so long. Your relationship can't move forward without more substance. After awhile, you find yourself unhappy with that kind of situation because in actuality it is better to be alone than be with someone you don't really like. There are other ways to fill voids without possibly hurting the other party involved who may actually have feelings for you. Even if the other person is also using you to fill the void, that is still just a waste of time when both of you could be with other people you have chemistry with.

We are so afraid of being alone that we will waste time in a relationship that doesn't matter to us waiting for something to spark. Why are we waiting for a spark? Isn't that supposed to be there right away? And if it isn't, why get involved in the first place? There are tons of prospects out there, so find the one that gives you butterflies. Stop making excuses for the ones who don't make your tummy drop when their name pops up on your cell phone ID. Go home alone instead of with the boy who sleeps by your side but doesn't even kiss you goodbye the next morning. Get a hobby, read a book, or do whatever it takes to avoid spending one more minute with someone just because they are there.

As Nietzsche once said, “The lonely one offers his hand too quickly to whomever he encounters.” Instead take a page from Thoreau's book, “I love to be alone. I never found the companion that was so companionable as solitude." The most important thing is to remember that there is no one more wonderful to be with than yourself. Finding happiness in yourself alone is what matters most and that is a companion that will never let you down.

Originally written 3/9/09
~LDW~