Spiderwebs

According to National Geographic's website, "The Black Widow spiders are considered the most venomous spiders in North America" and can be found in several regions around the world. The Black Widow, also known as Latrodectus hesperus, is believed by most to be the most dangerous of her kind. A familiar region in which they inhabit is our very own town of Aiken, South Carolina. Growing up in the south, I had never actually had a personal experience with the southern Black Widow until recently getting caught in one's tangled web. In our region, these Black Widows are nicknamed "bitches" and these webs are usually spun with deceit, lies, and jealousy which makes for one sticky mess if you happen to get caught in it.

Once you are caught in her web, the Black Widow descends upon her prey to ingest her venom into you. This venom contains a pinch of envy, a drop of hatred, and a whole lot of doubt. Her bite is said to be 15 times stronger than that of a rattlesnake yet ironically her actions remain snakelike in nature. The venom from her bite affects the nervous system, according to Emedicinehealth.com. Many researchers claim these spiders are non-aggressive and only attack for self defense. I believe self preservation and cowardliness are strong motivators to the southern Black Widow. These researchers have obviously never done extensive study here regarding the treacherous species.

The Black Widows are nocturnal and prefer to be active at night. They say the Black Widow has distinctive marks to identify her by. The southern Black Widow can be recognized by her long blond hair, ice cold eyes, and affinity for menthol cigarettes. She can be quite charming upon your initial meeting which is perhaps how you ended up in this web to start with. She had you believing she was like all the other spiders...you know, the ones the researchers say only attack in self defense. Except you didn't attack her. So, why would she come after you? Because the southern Black Widows aren't like the other spiders. They are only concerned with their own survival. They don't realize that the large web they have spun will one day ensnare them. The tangled web they have weaved will be responsible for their own downfall.

A common misconception is that the bite of the Black Widow is always lethal. In reality, it can be fatal to small children or the elderly; however the rest of us can survive the bite without any lasting damage. We cannot however escape the initial damage caused by the Black Widow. Her venom isn't deadly to us but it still contains all the necessary ingredients to shake things up in our little worlds. The pain will go away but leaves confusion and doubt in its place.

The one who should be most afraid of the Black Widow is her mate. The Black Widow spider got her namesake from the very act of killing her counterpart after mating. A creature that has no remorse for destroying her partner is not to be taken lightly. So, careful before you allow the Black Widow to sink her fangs into you. Before you lose your heart to this little spider, be sure you aren't about to lose your head as well. The Black Widow spiders are known for being solitary creatures (except during mating season) and if she continues to spin webs of lies, her solitary status won't be voluntary.

The Chase

When I was a kid, I was always “it” when it came to games such as, “Duck Duck Goose” and other chasing games. I wasn’t very sporty and therefore wasn’t as fast as the other kids. It’s slightly annoying to find that as adults, a lot of us find ourselves still “it” when it comes to chasing in adult life. Of all the relationship vices, the one I would really like to tackle is learning to let others chase me instead of the other way around. I personally find satisfaction in doing the chasing but it never seems to work out to my advantage in the end. If real life were a game of “Duck Duck Goose,” I’m the one running in circles over and over because I can’t catch my target.

More often than not, we find ourselves playing a game of "Hide and Seek" with the significant (and not-so-significant) others in our lives. It's like we're on the playground having a great time together, then by the time you count to 100 they have run away from you. While I'm pretty good at guessing hiding spots, who really has the time for that these days? You know they will always end up back at "base" but how did they manage to slip right past you while you were searching for them? How do we determine where "base" is in real life? Is there ever really a safe place to run to in order to ensure you won't be "it" in the next round of the game? Perhaps some of us are both seekers and hiders. Do we keep seeking because we are trying to hide our true feelings or desires? Is the chase a distraction to ourselves to avoid who or what we really want?

Maybe we tolerate these games because we are afraid of not playing games. At least as long as I'm "it," I know my task at hand. If I weren't "it," I would be hiding all the time or sitting in the circle nervous with unknowing if I was about to be chosen to be the "goose." If relationships are such a toss up anyway, why not just play them like "Blind Man's Bluff"? We could just leave it up to blind luck whether or not we picked the target we were really after. I'm pretty sure that's actually how it works anyway in the game of love.

I suppose ever so often though, our target does slow up & gets caught on purpose. Maybe they just made us play these games to see if we were worth chasing in return. After all, in these adult chasing games, it is generally considered a good thing to get caught. Unlike when we were children, it is very much in our control whether we allow ourselves to get caught or not. So, I say if you're afraid to get caught then maybe that is exactly what needs to happen. I say, it's time to play for keeps. So, who's "it" this time?

Photo courtesy of Photobucket.com

Pieces of Me

Have you ever worked a jigsaw puzzle? Scattered the pieces all over the table with the puzzle box propped up to show you the goal you were working towards? You start on the border and work your way in, picking through each piece to see if it fits. Each piece brings you closer to completion, but it isn’t the last piece that excites you the most. It’s the one before that. Remember the piece you kept picking up and never being able to find a place for? Well, it ends up being the piece that helps you place that final piece. I’ve never been anyone’s final piece, or missing piece for that matter. I do have a bit of experience with being that piece that seems to make the entire puzzle make sense. Of course, nobody ever seems to give that piece any credit.

I have a knack for drawing men to me when their puzzle is a mess. So, I find myself attracting many a man that ends up finding someone else to complete their puzzle. Then again, I probably need to get my own puzzle sorted out before worrying about someone else’s. Or perhaps it’s time to let someone else try to help with MY puzzle! I’ve known many males who were interested in pieces of me but none that seem to want the whole thing. Which pieces keep driving them away? Which pieces aren't strong enough to keep them?

Does the intelligent piece that doesn't fall for the usual tricks intimidate them? Or is it the easy going piece that would rather have fun than argue, fuss, & fight? Maybe it's the independent piece that isn't needy enough. Or that cautious piece that protects my heart & is afraid to show too much emotion. It could be the hardened piece that doesn't break when things gets tough. Or the softened piece that will open up and be sweet with the assistance of a little whiskey. Then again, maybe the pieces aren't the problem at all. I'm just waiting for someone to come along to solve my puzzle. I guess until then I'm just that puzzle piece that got knocked off the table & lost...does that make me someone's missing piece?

Photo courtesy of Photobucket.com

Coward Road

If there is one thing I know as a woman, it is when a man looks at me and wishes I was someone else. The longing in his eyes hides just beneath the surface and at first, it's hard to realize. A woman hopes the longing is for her but her intuition tells her otherwise. She will talk herself out of the reality for awhile until it isn't just in his eyes. It becomes a coolness in his touch. Hands that used to bring warmth & excitement have become unfeeling. His hands that once radiated heat for his woman now give her the chills yet they provide no passion. It isn't just the eyes or the hands though. It's a kiss that doesn't hold a spark. A kiss by the book, but not from his heart. His lips pretend they are touching another but as soon as his eyes open, you feel the distance widen instantly. You are inches apart yet he is miles away from you inside.

A woman knows when it isn't her that you want. A woman knows when there is another whose companionship you desire. A woman knows when her bed doesn't satisfy your needs anymore. Don't take us for fools because we already know everything there is to know. We are just trying to talk ourselves out of the rejection that is inevitable. We don't want to be traded in or turned away. We don't want to feel inadequate. We don't want to let go of what we want even if they want someone else. It is selfish of both the man and the woman to carry on this charade. But what is a little bit of selfishness compared to deceit and dishonesty? If neither is being honest about what's going on, does it really matter that they clearly have a lack of respect for each other & their relationship if they can't face facts that they aren't meant to be together.

There are few other things more hurtful to a human being that filling a space because someone's desired partner is not theirs [for whatever reason.] I think it is cowardness that stops a man from letting a woman know that his heart is with another just because he wants to warm his bed to help him make it through the night without the woman he really wants.

I myself am guilty of this treason yet never realized the fault until I was the unwanted looking into the eyes of a man who looked right through me because I wasn't "her." So, for the men who want to use me as a substitute for the woman you really want, there is a road you can head to before the road that leads into my neighborhood. It's called Coward Road [true story] and it may have been created just for you.