I'm gonna say the word "relationship"... are you running yet?

I have spent the better part of my adulthood (if we can really call it that) being afraid of relationships. As I come closer to the big 3-0 in a year and a few months, I am finding that my priorities in regards to my love life are changing. No, my biological clock is not ticking. My need for something of substance is. I'm sick of trying so hard to be that laid back girl who isn't too needy just to make guys feel comfortable. Because seriously, I'm not needy but I do have needs. I should be able to ask for those needs to be met without feeling like every guy who hears about them thinking I'm a crazy clingy girl.

So, I'm just going to say it. I want a relationship with a man. Yes, I said that absolutely terrifying 4 syllabal word. RELATIONSHIP. I want to find companionship and comfort from another person. I want someone to tell my stories to. I want someone to say goodnight to and to say good morning to. I want someone to take care of and who will take care of me. I want an even measure of give and take. I'm not afraid of it anymore. It's time to stop settling for the ones who don't care to put in the effort. If you like me, then act like it. If you're digging me, then ask me out. No more of this, "Yeah, we're hanging out" business. Done with that! I'm no longer interested in playing games. I've played them...I know how it works and honestly, apparently I've lost them every time. So, games do nothing for me. They certainly don't turn me on.

You know what does turn me on? Someone who pays attention to who I am. Someone who sees my strengths and my weaknesses and accepts them without question. Someone who I can talk, kiss, argue, laugh, cry, and everything in between with and still know that no matter what, we will work through everything that life throws at us...together. I'm a self-proclaimed hopeless romantic except I think I can drop the -less and add a -ful. I am a hopeFUL romantic because I know these aren't demands that can't be met. I want someone who wants to be that person for me. If you do, great. If not, no harm no foul. We all have our own expectations for who we bring into our lives. I will never be mad at someone for not sharing mine as long as they're honest.

Last year, my new year resolution was no gray areas. This year, I say no more settling. And this time, I mean it.

-ldw