No Code Breaking Necessary

We are all familiar with the commonly used phrase of "girl code." This code of conduct varies depending on who you ask. Well, I've decided there is a reason it is called "girl" code because women do not need any code in order to be loyal to their friends. They just are. If a woman does something that hurts her friend, she will step up and apologize. Sometimes our pride may delay that apology but if it's a valuable friendship, the apology will always come. Everyone makes mistakes and nobody is perfect. True friendship is able to maneuver through mistakes by forgiving and learning from those mistakes together. In most cases, these lessons strengthen friendships. However, if a woman finds herself constantly questioning the actions of her friend, it may be time to move on from that friendship. Or at least take a step back from the level of trust that has been put into it.

Trust is a relationship within itself and if it's absent in friendship, then what's the point? If a friend is lying to you, then they're not much a friend. Some may argue that there are certain situations that lying is acceptable to spare the feelings of their friend. This is true...if we're talking about girls. Girls also seem to believe that omitting information is not considering lying. These lessons of truth telling are learned as we get older which is why I say that girls haven't quite figured it out yet. Most women will agree that they had to learn the hard way with friends that omission is still betrayal and often times worse than an outright lie. I'm not judging girls because I know I used to be one. However, I am quite certain I paid my dues in the friendship screw up department and have learned how to be a loyal friend to the women I care about. I guess I've just lost my tolerance for girls and their silly antics. Antics, such as, trying to play the victim when you're the guilty party. Yeah, I used to play that game too. Then, I grew up. I grew up to find that while girl code needs to be defined, woman code is unspoken yet known between friends who truly care about each other. If you have to ask yourself if it was wrong, then it probably was. If you have to lie about what you're doing, then you probably shouldn't be doing it. And if you have to ask if your friend is mad at you, then you probably already know the answer.

    

Sharing is Caring

I think that we are here to share our lives. I believe in that. And even if you aren't sharing your life with someone at this moment, you are still sharing your life with yourself. [Hilary Swank]

Two months ago, I was sharing my life with someone. As it turns out, he wasn't really sharing his with me. I have learned that denial when one is in a one sided relationship brings a depression that I am not willing to endure just because I love someone. In the past, I have continued to care for those who I knew were lost causes for far longer than I should have. I suppose I did actually learn something from those because this time around, I was not willing to self inflict that kind of pain on myself again. Strangely enough, I care for this person more than anyone I have ever loved but I have trust that fate knows what it is doing by deciding this isn't the time for us to be together. So, I've decided to share my life with myself for the time being.

When I decided that I would share my life with myself, that was the easy part. Figuring out what that means exactly wasn't as easy. How did I define something that I had never done before? Well, I discovered you make it up as you go along. I have been making some changes in my life. Slowly weening myself off from going out almost every single night and trying to stay home more was the first on my list. (It's a work in progress...old habits die hard.) I have started exercising to feel better physically and teaching myself how to self-motivate by working out alone. (Nike Training Club is no joke, trust me.) I started reading the book Committed by Elizabeth Gilbert again. (I stopped reading it two months ago when disappointment and heartache replaced the commitment I thought I had to another.)

I have realized that sharing my life with myself is helping me to figure out all those parts of me that I need to understand before anyone else can. And in understanding that, I figured out that while I may not have the "relationship" I wanted with that certain someone, I kind of missed the point somewhere in there. I have been thinking in a "what about me" mentality instead of just being there for the person I care about. We have been communicating again recently and I thought it would be hard for me to do that without defining our "relationship." What I've found is that it isn't. Being able to talk to him again...to listen, to laugh, to smile, to be there even if only as a listening ear works for us right now. When I met him, I wrote a blog about how it worked because there were no expectations going into it. I forgot that too somewhere along the way.

So, I'm making a little room to share a bit of my life with him but I'm still focused on sharing the majority with me. Because while I'm okay with letting him back in, he isn't allowed to be a top priority until he's ready to give the same. And I think he's alright with that too.

-ldw