In the final hours of 2010, I am doing what the majority of people are doing...looking back at the year that has gone by and wondering what the year ahead holds. This is the time that we allow ourselves to remember the good, the bad, and the ugly of this year and let it go. In mere hours, a clean slate will allow us to take chances, make mistakes, and repeat the same things we swear we'd never do again...again in 2011. This year during my pondering, life decided to throw an interesting revelation at me. I'm repeating the same year every few years, making the same decisions that lead me down the same roads. Perhaps it is age and experience that has finally made me realize that I was living the same year only with different scenery and characters.
Most would assume my New Year's resolution would be to stop living the same life and making the same choices which lead to nowhere. However, I am resolviing to no longer allow gray area relationships in my life in 2011. I want to be apart of relationships that I can define. No more wishy washy answers to straight forward questions. I deserve that and in 2011, I will not let my heart settle for less than it deserves or desires for that matter. I am not allowed to be gray either, which I have been quite prone to do in the past as well. This is maybe why I allow it from others because I am just as bad about it. This resolution will certainly change my life and have an effect on the decisions I make, which will hopefully not be the same ones I always make.
So, it occured to me that a simple resolution will not even put a dent in this vicious cycle that has been my life over the past 5 years or so. In order to shake things up completely, one must sometimes start a revolution inside themselves. This means doing a complete 180 in my way of thinking and learning to see everything from a different angle. My current view isn't really getting me anywhere lately or in the past. Only I have the power to make my life what I want it to be, so why have I been giving other factors the power to make my decisions? I have given up too easily for things I really wanted and most of the time, it was because I was afraid. There's no room for fear now as I find myself at the end of my twenties with not too much to show for it [with the exception of some pretty amazing people that are apart of my life.] 2011 is the year of my revolution. Is there a revolution inside of you that is dying to get out, too? I say don't be afraid to let it. We cannot predict what will happen in the upcoming year, but as the Beatles said in their song Revolution, "Don't you know? It's all gonna be alright..."
- ldw
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