I absolutely love to travel. I love experiencing new places, new people, and seeing new life all around. The worst part about traveling is coming home. Once you get home, you look around & see all the things that are missing in your life. You realize that there are other places that offer a life for you...perhaps a life you were too afraid to pursue because you weren't aware it was available to you.
Maybe you never realized that the past few years you spent meeting different people in your line of work has somehow led to a network of job opportunities in a place you swore you would never live near again. Maybe you grew up without even realizing it and furthermore realized that you are finally ready to make a life for yourself elsewhere. Those little voices in your head are picking sides...one playing devil's advocate and the other encouraging you to follow your instinct. What's a gal to do? Especially when she knows she always follows her heart and rarely listens to her head, particularly in life changing decisions. Sure, she might crash & burn but at least she went forward with all her heart when making her decision. Is there an age when this becomes the wrong thing to do? Is there ever a reason to stay somewhere & be content when perhaps there is somewhere else that will help you to reach your potential? Am I a city girl at heart? Is it possible for a southern belle to find happiness in a big city while maintaining those country roots?
I find myself with a case of wanderlust (big surprise, right?) and I know that I won't be able to ignore this. My wheels inside my head have started to spin & I won't be able to talk myself out of this one. In the immortal words of the Doors, "The time to hesitate is through..."
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Monday, July 13, 2009
Second star to the right, straight on till morning...
...that's how you get to Neverland. Also known as my life. At 26, I look around and see people my age getting married, buying houses, and looking for jobs that offer benefits. They're doing all those grown-up things you're supposed to do as you get older. But who made those rules? Who said that to live a happy life I need to buy my own house and trade in my monthly rental fee for a mortgage? Who said I need to find some man to marry when the divorce rate of our generation is 50%? Who said I need to get a career and work 40 hours a week at a regular 9-5 job? I think I'd rather stay in Neverland with my own set of Lost Boys, pirates, and fairies. I can't complain about my life when I have succeeded in surrounding myself with people who would most certainly be my happy thought if Peter Pan sprinkled fairy dust on my head.
With no houses to buy in Neverland, you find yourself living it up in your own tree house, or perhaps your own pirate ship. Even Captain Hook wasn't paying a mortgage for the Jolly Roger. When you're looking for a mate, your fairy friends are quick to help you be picky about your choice and will help test your potential mate to see if they are worthy. Your job in Neverland consists of helping the tourists see the sights of your lovely land, like Pixie Hollow and the Redskins villiage. Everything is just so darn easy for a Neverlander. Or is it?
There are of course drawbacks to living in Neverland. Those "Lost Boys" are just that...lost. It causes a dilemma if you are a mermaid looking for someone to share your rock with in Mermaid Lagoon. Or if you're an indian princess like Tiger Lily who likes the all-time bad boy Peter Pan, you find yourself always on the edges of being a priority to the leader of the pack. Or maybe you're like Tinkerbell, the fairy in love with her best friend, but she just doesn't seem to measure up to his height. Most of all, it can just get downright lonely in Neverland. While the Redskins are fighting the pirates and the Lost Boys are making mischief with the fairies, you're just a mermaid on a rock flopping your tail waiting for Peter Pan to notice that your rock is big enough for two. Of course you'd be attracted to the Pan. Peter is the smartest of all the Neverlanders because he somehow figured out how to visit the real world but retreat back to Neverland once he tires of adult life.
Are we all holding the map to Neverland, but refusing to use it? Why is it that some people reach a certain age and forget their happy thoughts? I don't think I'm so crazy to not want to grow up & not remember how to live a carefree life. But I do wonder sometimes if I'm just a Lost Girl not realizing that it's time to grow up. Oh, well. For now, I think I'll take some of that fairy dust and fly away to Baltimore for the weekend. ;)
"So come with me, where dreams are born, and time is never planned. Just think of happy things, and your heart will fly on wings, forever, in Never Never Land!" - from "Peter Pan" by J.M. Barrie
~LDW
With no houses to buy in Neverland, you find yourself living it up in your own tree house, or perhaps your own pirate ship. Even Captain Hook wasn't paying a mortgage for the Jolly Roger. When you're looking for a mate, your fairy friends are quick to help you be picky about your choice and will help test your potential mate to see if they are worthy. Your job in Neverland consists of helping the tourists see the sights of your lovely land, like Pixie Hollow and the Redskins villiage. Everything is just so darn easy for a Neverlander. Or is it?
There are of course drawbacks to living in Neverland. Those "Lost Boys" are just that...lost. It causes a dilemma if you are a mermaid looking for someone to share your rock with in Mermaid Lagoon. Or if you're an indian princess like Tiger Lily who likes the all-time bad boy Peter Pan, you find yourself always on the edges of being a priority to the leader of the pack. Or maybe you're like Tinkerbell, the fairy in love with her best friend, but she just doesn't seem to measure up to his height. Most of all, it can just get downright lonely in Neverland. While the Redskins are fighting the pirates and the Lost Boys are making mischief with the fairies, you're just a mermaid on a rock flopping your tail waiting for Peter Pan to notice that your rock is big enough for two. Of course you'd be attracted to the Pan. Peter is the smartest of all the Neverlanders because he somehow figured out how to visit the real world but retreat back to Neverland once he tires of adult life.
Are we all holding the map to Neverland, but refusing to use it? Why is it that some people reach a certain age and forget their happy thoughts? I don't think I'm so crazy to not want to grow up & not remember how to live a carefree life. But I do wonder sometimes if I'm just a Lost Girl not realizing that it's time to grow up. Oh, well. For now, I think I'll take some of that fairy dust and fly away to Baltimore for the weekend. ;)
"So come with me, where dreams are born, and time is never planned. Just think of happy things, and your heart will fly on wings, forever, in Never Never Land!" - from "Peter Pan" by J.M. Barrie
~LDW
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Good Girls Never Tell...
Temptation (n.): the desire to have or do something you should avoid; enticement
The fact that even God’s first creatures Adam and Eve couldn’t avoid it says a lot about the human compulsion to do things you know you shouldn’t. At the core of every temptation, there is the desire to feel alive. By giving into desire, we are choosing to live instead of simply spending the rest of our lives asking “What if?” When I think back on the things I’ve done whether good or bad (depending on who you ask), I have never had a single regret. How do we expect to learn in life without experiencing everything, even those things that aren’t always good for us? There are only a hand full of times I can recall resisting, yet I have a lot of smiles to go with the memories of those times I didn’t resist.
“I deal with temptation by yielding to it.” - Mark Twain
So, why not give in? What is there to lose? Only your sense of adventure…only the chance to bring a bit of excitement to your everyday boring life. Yet I ask myself in this game of temptation, am I the snake? Or am I the manipulated? Or perhaps we could go as far to say Adam & Eve were simply naïve to the consequences. Well, honey I’ve never been naïve when it came to temptation. I have always been well aware of what I was getting myself into. Even if there were some unknown factors going in, they were most likely responsible for my final verdict to take the plunge. So, are those who falter to temptation just thrill seekers in disguise? Or are we the ones who live our lives while others are simply tourists in our fun-filled worlds?
“I generally avoid temptation unless I can’t resist it.” - Mae West
Ah, you know how much I love Ms. West and her profound knowledge she sheds onto life. I think there are some who seek out trouble, but I swear I do not go looking for those things which tempt me. I believe they are drawn to me…I’m like the devil’s candy. When I want to, I can be quite charming and stir up the hive without even realizing it. More often than not, I’m not the snake…I’m just the forbidden fruit. I guess it’s my own fault for letting others take a bite when they should’ve just eaten from someone else’s garden. [It’s a metaphor - get your minds out of the gutter!]
All in all, it comes down to this…if you give into your impulses then be sure you’re going to be okay with the results. Don’t do anything you know you’ll regret. We all have different takes on what we’ll regret and what we won’t. Live your life. Take chances. Dare to do the things that will make you wonder if you don’t do them. Stop worrying about what others will say. Live your life & ignore them. Maybe that will encourage them to do the same for themselves. As Shakespeare once said, “To thine own self be true.” That means never back down if it’s something your heart truly desires. Your head doesn’t know how to feel…that’s why you were given a heart.
As for me, lead me not into temptation, I can find the way myself.
The fact that even God’s first creatures Adam and Eve couldn’t avoid it says a lot about the human compulsion to do things you know you shouldn’t. At the core of every temptation, there is the desire to feel alive. By giving into desire, we are choosing to live instead of simply spending the rest of our lives asking “What if?” When I think back on the things I’ve done whether good or bad (depending on who you ask), I have never had a single regret. How do we expect to learn in life without experiencing everything, even those things that aren’t always good for us? There are only a hand full of times I can recall resisting, yet I have a lot of smiles to go with the memories of those times I didn’t resist.
“I deal with temptation by yielding to it.” - Mark Twain
So, why not give in? What is there to lose? Only your sense of adventure…only the chance to bring a bit of excitement to your everyday boring life. Yet I ask myself in this game of temptation, am I the snake? Or am I the manipulated? Or perhaps we could go as far to say Adam & Eve were simply naïve to the consequences. Well, honey I’ve never been naïve when it came to temptation. I have always been well aware of what I was getting myself into. Even if there were some unknown factors going in, they were most likely responsible for my final verdict to take the plunge. So, are those who falter to temptation just thrill seekers in disguise? Or are we the ones who live our lives while others are simply tourists in our fun-filled worlds?
“I generally avoid temptation unless I can’t resist it.” - Mae West
Ah, you know how much I love Ms. West and her profound knowledge she sheds onto life. I think there are some who seek out trouble, but I swear I do not go looking for those things which tempt me. I believe they are drawn to me…I’m like the devil’s candy. When I want to, I can be quite charming and stir up the hive without even realizing it. More often than not, I’m not the snake…I’m just the forbidden fruit. I guess it’s my own fault for letting others take a bite when they should’ve just eaten from someone else’s garden. [It’s a metaphor - get your minds out of the gutter!]
All in all, it comes down to this…if you give into your impulses then be sure you’re going to be okay with the results. Don’t do anything you know you’ll regret. We all have different takes on what we’ll regret and what we won’t. Live your life. Take chances. Dare to do the things that will make you wonder if you don’t do them. Stop worrying about what others will say. Live your life & ignore them. Maybe that will encourage them to do the same for themselves. As Shakespeare once said, “To thine own self be true.” That means never back down if it’s something your heart truly desires. Your head doesn’t know how to feel…that’s why you were given a heart.
As for me, lead me not into temptation, I can find the way myself.
Sunday, May 24, 2009
"Those" Girls
All of us know at least one of those girls. She's the sweet, simple girl that always has a boyfriend. For as long as you've known her, this girl has been in relationship after relationship. Like any girl, she has had her heart broken and even joined you a time or two on the "boys suck" bandwagon. However, like clockwork a few weeks after that, there will be a new man in her life. She, unlike you, doesn't have one night stands or flavors of the week. Somehow this girl has figured out how to make her men stick around. Before I get any of "those" girls bashing my blog, let me go ahead and say that my hat is off to you. And I'll tell you why.
I know you're thinking that I'm going to say I admire those girls who can make men stay because I seem to always make them stray. This may be true, but I'm more impressed with their ability to put up with men's pretentions. I'm quite certain at this point that the reason I can't keep men around is because I call their bluff most of the time. Those simple girls don't really like to make a fuss and they were taught by their mothers to be accommodating. I'm not knocking those girls because while they are cuddled up at night next to a warm body, I'm lying awake listening to some acoustic melody and cuddled up with my pillow. I do wonder, however, if perhaps they are lying awake at night too, even in the comfort of their lover's arms. Are they also dreaming of a man they've yet to find?
Furthermore I wonder if those girls have ever been like me. If so, how did they make the transition? Am I willing to make the transition? Do I want to? Is it better to be one of "those" girls or your own girl? I think for the most part I don't want to sacrifice who I am just so a man will stay with me. In my experience, there is always something inconvenient about me that men don't want to deal with. So, how do we decide which parts of us to compromise in order to find happiness? I am currently soul searching on which parts of me I'm willing to bend and which parts I don't plan to budge on. Once I reach that answer, I may be content with taking a step into the world of those girls.
Until then, “Just let me go, we have to be able to criticize what we love, to say what we have to say 'cause if you're not trying to make something better, then as far as I can tell, you are just in the way.” Thank you, Ani Difranco.
I know you're thinking that I'm going to say I admire those girls who can make men stay because I seem to always make them stray. This may be true, but I'm more impressed with their ability to put up with men's pretentions. I'm quite certain at this point that the reason I can't keep men around is because I call their bluff most of the time. Those simple girls don't really like to make a fuss and they were taught by their mothers to be accommodating. I'm not knocking those girls because while they are cuddled up at night next to a warm body, I'm lying awake listening to some acoustic melody and cuddled up with my pillow. I do wonder, however, if perhaps they are lying awake at night too, even in the comfort of their lover's arms. Are they also dreaming of a man they've yet to find?
Furthermore I wonder if those girls have ever been like me. If so, how did they make the transition? Am I willing to make the transition? Do I want to? Is it better to be one of "those" girls or your own girl? I think for the most part I don't want to sacrifice who I am just so a man will stay with me. In my experience, there is always something inconvenient about me that men don't want to deal with. So, how do we decide which parts of us to compromise in order to find happiness? I am currently soul searching on which parts of me I'm willing to bend and which parts I don't plan to budge on. Once I reach that answer, I may be content with taking a step into the world of those girls.
Until then, “Just let me go, we have to be able to criticize what we love, to say what we have to say 'cause if you're not trying to make something better, then as far as I can tell, you are just in the way.” Thank you, Ani Difranco.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Wise Girl Revelation...
As many pieces that I have written as a "Wise Girl" you would think I would take my own advice. However, it has come to my attention that half the things I write I don't hardly ever apply to my own life. Well, every once in awhile the teeny tiniest of events can happen and it is the straw that breaks the camel's back. I woke up a few mornings ago and really hated all men. Of all the reasons that flowed through my brain, the number one reason is because I have let men control my emotions and drive me insane. As much of an independent woman as I put out there, I am nothing but "Little Miss Obsessive" when it comes to my own love life.
I blame my hopeless romantic nature on the fact that I continue to care about and love men who most likely never got past the stage of infactuation with me. I'm quite charming but apparently men forget any sense of staying power after a few weeks with me. (I've run off my share of men as well, but I think it's mostly because I wanted to beat them to the punch.) It occurs to me that I spend entirely too much time doing nothing more than "sitting, waiting, wishing" for some man to notice how wonderful I am and sweep me off my feet. In 26 years, I can count on one hand how many men have attempted such a bold gesture. So, knowing this why do I even waste my time on men who aren't worthy of it?
I have no idea why I don't have the power to make some men as miserable as they make me. Oh, wait because I'm actually a good person with a good heart. I don't like when people play with my heart, so I try to avoid doing it to anyone else. They say the person who cares the least in a relationship is the one who controls it. So, basically 90% of my "relationships" were not controlled by me. I'm not naive and I realize that at the very heart of it, it is my fault I have allowed this to happen. Well, this Wise Girl had one hell of a revelation this morning.
I am ready to have my "I hate men" stage in life. I think the only way I can learn my lesson is to avoid men for awhile. Clearly I understand that the world is full of them and I can't avoid them every single second of every day. What I mean is that I plan to focus more time on me and with the friends that love me. Because I really think they were onto something in that Sex & the City episode when one of the girls said, "Maybe our girlfriends are our soulmates and guys are just people to have fun with." Perhaps that mentality is best for now. It is time to let the feminist from within come out and play. I am woman, hear me roar! And boys, stay out of my way because I've had it with you for now. I am through worrying about what you think of me.
I blame my hopeless romantic nature on the fact that I continue to care about and love men who most likely never got past the stage of infactuation with me. I'm quite charming but apparently men forget any sense of staying power after a few weeks with me. (I've run off my share of men as well, but I think it's mostly because I wanted to beat them to the punch.) It occurs to me that I spend entirely too much time doing nothing more than "sitting, waiting, wishing" for some man to notice how wonderful I am and sweep me off my feet. In 26 years, I can count on one hand how many men have attempted such a bold gesture. So, knowing this why do I even waste my time on men who aren't worthy of it?
I have no idea why I don't have the power to make some men as miserable as they make me. Oh, wait because I'm actually a good person with a good heart. I don't like when people play with my heart, so I try to avoid doing it to anyone else. They say the person who cares the least in a relationship is the one who controls it. So, basically 90% of my "relationships" were not controlled by me. I'm not naive and I realize that at the very heart of it, it is my fault I have allowed this to happen. Well, this Wise Girl had one hell of a revelation this morning.
I am ready to have my "I hate men" stage in life. I think the only way I can learn my lesson is to avoid men for awhile. Clearly I understand that the world is full of them and I can't avoid them every single second of every day. What I mean is that I plan to focus more time on me and with the friends that love me. Because I really think they were onto something in that Sex & the City episode when one of the girls said, "Maybe our girlfriends are our soulmates and guys are just people to have fun with." Perhaps that mentality is best for now. It is time to let the feminist from within come out and play. I am woman, hear me roar! And boys, stay out of my way because I've had it with you for now. I am through worrying about what you think of me.
"Squint your eyes and look closer, I'm not between you & your ambition, I am a poster girl with no poster, I am 32 flavors & then some..." - Ani Difranco
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Where does your love map lead?
According to modern day psychology, a person’s “mental love map” is developed in early adolescence. This scares the hell out of me. It means my mind decided when I was a young child what love was all about, growing up with a single mother and an absent-except-for-every-other-weekend father. My young brain was trying to process why my mother had a new boyfriend every month and why my father was barely dating at all. As if it isn’t hard enough asking yourself why your parents got divorced and receiving well rehearsed bullshit answers from them. Over the course of growing up, I have asked myself how their divorce and my upbringing in such environment has affected me. I have come up with hundreds of different answers, but there is one memory that stands out and defines my own love map.
I don’t remember how old I was, but I would guess I was around 5 or 6 years old. My mother and I were in her car, driving home after she had yet another break-up with one of her latest boyfriends. I don’t remember if we spoke on the ride home or what kind of music was playing on the radio. I just remember the tears that slid down my mother’s cheeks in a constant flow. Her eyes red and her cheeks streaked with black from her mascara. I cannot recall ever seeing my mother cry before that day. In my memory, this was the first time I saw her shed tears over anything. The woman who wiped away my tears and soothed me when I was upset was crying because of a man.
Fast forward to me at 15 years old having a huge fight with the first boy I ever loved because I never cried in front of him. He screamed that I didn’t care. I was heartless. Why couldn’t I cry in front of him? He demanded to know. I told myself back then that it was because I believed crying to be a weakness. If someone made you cry, then they knew they could hurt you. They knew how to hurt you. Who would ever willingly give another person that power over them? Not me, not then anyway. Was there something buried in my subconscious that didn’t allow me to cry in front of people, especially in front of men I love?
Through the rest of high school and college, any tears I cried over relationships with males were shed in private. I was the listening ear and shoulder for many of my girlfriends, but never was I the one at the head of the pity party. My misery was never a fan of company. I’d get in my car, turn on the saddest music possible, and drive until I was all cried out. The older I got, I found I would only allow myself to let go and cry after many alcoholic beverages. The upside I suppose is that I am one tough cookie and a hard one to break down. The downside is that sometimes it is that weakness that can tighten the bond between two people. A lack of emotion gives off the impression of a cold heart. I don’t think of my heart as cold, but it is certainly well guarded at this point.
With age and experience comes understanding because I do realize now that crying is not a weakness. My pride still doesn’t allow me to shed tears freely, but then again I haven’t had any males in my life recently that deserved to see those tears either. Most females hope for a man that never makes her cry, yet for me a man I can cry in front of will be worth keeping around. It means that I’ve let him in, which isn’t something I do on a whim for just any old guy. This is coming from a hopeless romantic who seems to run away from love or pick the wrong men (or the geographically challenged.) I guess what I’m really hoping to find is someone I can open up and show emotion to. I want a man who isn’t afraid to feel and most importantly isn’t afraid to make me stay when I try to run (‘cause Lord knows I know how to do that!)
As for my love map, there are a lot of routes I haven’t been down yet. The unknown paths can seem scary, but I remember reading somewhere that happy endings aren’t meant for cowards. I think it’s time to follow my love map to where my heart desires and forget where it’s been. I’m all about leaving the past behind these days and even more about seeking all those things I’ve been afraid of for far too long. Here's to taking the scenic route this time.
I don’t remember how old I was, but I would guess I was around 5 or 6 years old. My mother and I were in her car, driving home after she had yet another break-up with one of her latest boyfriends. I don’t remember if we spoke on the ride home or what kind of music was playing on the radio. I just remember the tears that slid down my mother’s cheeks in a constant flow. Her eyes red and her cheeks streaked with black from her mascara. I cannot recall ever seeing my mother cry before that day. In my memory, this was the first time I saw her shed tears over anything. The woman who wiped away my tears and soothed me when I was upset was crying because of a man.
Fast forward to me at 15 years old having a huge fight with the first boy I ever loved because I never cried in front of him. He screamed that I didn’t care. I was heartless. Why couldn’t I cry in front of him? He demanded to know. I told myself back then that it was because I believed crying to be a weakness. If someone made you cry, then they knew they could hurt you. They knew how to hurt you. Who would ever willingly give another person that power over them? Not me, not then anyway. Was there something buried in my subconscious that didn’t allow me to cry in front of people, especially in front of men I love?
Through the rest of high school and college, any tears I cried over relationships with males were shed in private. I was the listening ear and shoulder for many of my girlfriends, but never was I the one at the head of the pity party. My misery was never a fan of company. I’d get in my car, turn on the saddest music possible, and drive until I was all cried out. The older I got, I found I would only allow myself to let go and cry after many alcoholic beverages. The upside I suppose is that I am one tough cookie and a hard one to break down. The downside is that sometimes it is that weakness that can tighten the bond between two people. A lack of emotion gives off the impression of a cold heart. I don’t think of my heart as cold, but it is certainly well guarded at this point.
With age and experience comes understanding because I do realize now that crying is not a weakness. My pride still doesn’t allow me to shed tears freely, but then again I haven’t had any males in my life recently that deserved to see those tears either. Most females hope for a man that never makes her cry, yet for me a man I can cry in front of will be worth keeping around. It means that I’ve let him in, which isn’t something I do on a whim for just any old guy. This is coming from a hopeless romantic who seems to run away from love or pick the wrong men (or the geographically challenged.) I guess what I’m really hoping to find is someone I can open up and show emotion to. I want a man who isn’t afraid to feel and most importantly isn’t afraid to make me stay when I try to run (‘cause Lord knows I know how to do that!)
As for my love map, there are a lot of routes I haven’t been down yet. The unknown paths can seem scary, but I remember reading somewhere that happy endings aren’t meant for cowards. I think it’s time to follow my love map to where my heart desires and forget where it’s been. I’m all about leaving the past behind these days and even more about seeking all those things I’ve been afraid of for far too long. Here's to taking the scenic route this time.
“If you want a happy ending, that depends, of course, on where you stop your story.”
- Orson Welles
Monday, April 13, 2009
The Age Old Question
"Do you believe in soul mates?"
It's that cliche question that you see in movies, read in books, and ask in deep conversations over cocktails. The general consensus is that you get one soul mate and that person is the one. Your soul mate is the one person in the entire universe that fate has chosen for you to be with forever. Or, at least until one of you dies. I imagine if you are married or otherwise involved in a serious relationship, you probably believe in this one soul mate business. That is, you believe it until you break up or get divorced. Then, we will hear you claim, "Oh, that person must not have been my soul mate since it's over." This will lead you to go back out into the wonderful world of dating and be in search of yet again, the one.
It isn't our fault that we have this crazy idea of one soul mate. The movies and romance novels have filled our heads with this nonsense. Disney did most of the damage when we were too young to realize how they were manipulating our view of love. It is rare to find a movie that ends with the boy and girl not living happily ever after. However, I finally found one! The movie is called "Prime," starring Uma Thurman and Meryl Streep. The gist of the movie is not important at this point; however what Streep's character says to her son (who had been dating Thurman's character) is pretty much the point I'm getting at:
"Sometimes you love and you learn...and you move on. And that's okay."
We get so caught up in believing in one soul mate when we need to realize that every relationship is not meant to last forever. People enter our lives for different reasons and particularly when we need something that they can provide. Sometimes we can have brief relationships that leave us wondering, "What in the heck was that for? I wasted my time!" No, you learned something. You just don't know it yet. People come and go....to teach us something new about ourselves, to remind us of who we are, to heal a heart we thought would never mend, or most often just to help us find our smile again. The "smile finders" are my favorite, by the way! I can't even count the times I've encountered memorable people who did nothing more than make me smile again when it was the last thing in the world I wanted to do. It's bittersweet that these people can't stick around, but we wouldn't see their significance if they did. I believe fate sends us more than one soul mate. It's ridiculous to believe we are only allowed one person our entire lives that will make us feel complete and whole and be everything we ever dreamed.
You can't define a soul mate based on a romantic comedy or an epic love story. You have to decide what you think a soul mate is. Soul mate is defined on Dictionary.com as, "a person with whom one has a strong affinity." Aside from that sounding absolutely boring, I think I've had a strong affinity for more than one person in my lifetime. I realize that by saying we have more than one soul mate that tends to take the significance out of a "significant other." Well, I think the term significant other sounds pretty boring too. I want a lover, a friend, a protector, a gentleman, a listener, a storyteller, a partner in crime, a companion...I could go for days on all the things I want in "the one"...I figure this soul mate business is nothing to settle for, so I might as well get everything I want.
Every relationship we have teaches us something, whether one big thing or a lot of little things. It is the lessons we learn from these romantic partners that shape our future relationships. It is through experience that we learn to define what love and a soul mate are. We don't want our hearts to be broken, yet how else did we expect to find out what we don't want from a romantic partner? It's my belief that we do this song and dance of love and heartbreak to mold ourselves into the perfect partner for the soul mate that we are meant to be with forever. How else do you expect to be perfect for your mate unless you have shed all your imperfections in your past?
Originally written 12/15/07
~LDW~
It's that cliche question that you see in movies, read in books, and ask in deep conversations over cocktails. The general consensus is that you get one soul mate and that person is the one. Your soul mate is the one person in the entire universe that fate has chosen for you to be with forever. Or, at least until one of you dies. I imagine if you are married or otherwise involved in a serious relationship, you probably believe in this one soul mate business. That is, you believe it until you break up or get divorced. Then, we will hear you claim, "Oh, that person must not have been my soul mate since it's over." This will lead you to go back out into the wonderful world of dating and be in search of yet again, the one.
It isn't our fault that we have this crazy idea of one soul mate. The movies and romance novels have filled our heads with this nonsense. Disney did most of the damage when we were too young to realize how they were manipulating our view of love. It is rare to find a movie that ends with the boy and girl not living happily ever after. However, I finally found one! The movie is called "Prime," starring Uma Thurman and Meryl Streep. The gist of the movie is not important at this point; however what Streep's character says to her son (who had been dating Thurman's character) is pretty much the point I'm getting at:
"Sometimes you love and you learn...and you move on. And that's okay."
We get so caught up in believing in one soul mate when we need to realize that every relationship is not meant to last forever. People enter our lives for different reasons and particularly when we need something that they can provide. Sometimes we can have brief relationships that leave us wondering, "What in the heck was that for? I wasted my time!" No, you learned something. You just don't know it yet. People come and go....to teach us something new about ourselves, to remind us of who we are, to heal a heart we thought would never mend, or most often just to help us find our smile again. The "smile finders" are my favorite, by the way! I can't even count the times I've encountered memorable people who did nothing more than make me smile again when it was the last thing in the world I wanted to do. It's bittersweet that these people can't stick around, but we wouldn't see their significance if they did. I believe fate sends us more than one soul mate. It's ridiculous to believe we are only allowed one person our entire lives that will make us feel complete and whole and be everything we ever dreamed.
You can't define a soul mate based on a romantic comedy or an epic love story. You have to decide what you think a soul mate is. Soul mate is defined on Dictionary.com as, "a person with whom one has a strong affinity." Aside from that sounding absolutely boring, I think I've had a strong affinity for more than one person in my lifetime. I realize that by saying we have more than one soul mate that tends to take the significance out of a "significant other." Well, I think the term significant other sounds pretty boring too. I want a lover, a friend, a protector, a gentleman, a listener, a storyteller, a partner in crime, a companion...I could go for days on all the things I want in "the one"...I figure this soul mate business is nothing to settle for, so I might as well get everything I want.
Every relationship we have teaches us something, whether one big thing or a lot of little things. It is the lessons we learn from these romantic partners that shape our future relationships. It is through experience that we learn to define what love and a soul mate are. We don't want our hearts to be broken, yet how else did we expect to find out what we don't want from a romantic partner? It's my belief that we do this song and dance of love and heartbreak to mold ourselves into the perfect partner for the soul mate that we are meant to be with forever. How else do you expect to be perfect for your mate unless you have shed all your imperfections in your past?
Originally written 12/15/07
~LDW~
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